|
 |
|
wFriday, January 14, 2005 |
|
|
 |
Quit Smoking Today
cancer of the bladder. this one they don't tell you about. sure you know your lungs are shot. and then, if you get your lungs checked out and they're still okay, you think, hey, i can go on and keep smoking.
until
cancer of the bladder.
my father had to have his bladder removed. spent the last few years of his life with an ostomy bag. you know, people don't really talk about these kinds of things. but we should. you should know.
you should know what it feels like looking at your father lying on the bathroom floor as you change his ostomy bag, connected directly to a hole right out of his stomach. yeah, we don't talk about things like this. yet people still smoke. my father still smoked. i still smoke.
what a fucking idiot, i am still smoking. and to you smokers out there, i'm sorry but i may not be able to hang out with you for a while. it's hard to be around. it's hard to not lecture you. it's hard to not want to join you. i don't want to be that prude bitch who's all scrinching up her face and going eeeew cigarettes are gross, i'm so not cool. yeah it's cool to smoke, we all know that. but lying on the bathroom floor changing your father's ostomy bag is no longer cool.
i'm saying this more to scare me than to scare you. but if it scares you too then good.
Phases of Psychological Adaptation
Almost every patient goes through four phases of recovery following an accident or illness that results in loss of function of an important part of the body. The patient, along with the family, goes through these phases, varying only in the time required for each phase.
1. Shock or Panic
2. Defense/Retreat/Denial
3. Acknowledgment
4. Adaptation/Resolution
"The urine passes through an opening (stoma) on the body."
translation: there was a fucking hole on my father's stomach because he had no bladder because he smoked.
damn, i'm so not strong. why does anybody in the world think i'm fucking strong. it's all a fucking lie.
i have to deal with this all someday. i think that day is now, dammit, and i don't think i'm ready yet.
20 Minutes After Quitting
Your heart rate drops.
12 hours After Quitting
Carbon monoxide level in your blood drops to normal.
i just checked out Death Be Not Proud - Gunther
it's a memoir by the father of a 17-year-old son dying of a brain tumor.
i don't know why i do things like this. to test myself? to see if i can handle exposing myself to such things? to push my own limits? last night i watched a movie about a pedophiliac.
"During the months of his final illness everyone near him was unforgettably impressed by his level-headed courage, his wit and quiet friendliness, and above all, his unfaltering patience through the times of despair..."
i know i will be sad. why read a book like this?
because, the cover says: "If courage is the antidote to pain and grief, the disease and the cure are both in this book." -new york times
the pedophilia movie, well i wasn't affected as much by it as others sitting next to me. to say quite bluntly, i was never molested by a brother, uncle, or worse. and i am lucky. it seems, unfortunately, sexual abuse is much more common than we think, and that is a very very sad subject. it is also a touchy subject which many people are afraid to speak about, too. sexual abuse. cancer. death. if we talk about such things, are we focusing on the negative? no, we are trying to heal from the past. we are trying to prevent for the future. you can't prevent a brain tumor, but you can prevent the loss of your bladder and ultimate death by just putting out that cigarette.
i don't know where i'm going with all this today. basically, let's just start with
quit smoking NOW.
and then we can deal with the other issues later...
posted by
zenbetty at 1:25 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|