girlfriend 1 - who's playing hooky from work today? me! i'm being so lazy today - someone tell me it's ok to take a day off & not do much of anything. i feel guilty looking at all my incomplete house projects. and it's so beautiful outside but all i want to do is nothin'!
girlfriend 2 - OMG girl! if ever i knew anyone who needed to take a day of navel-gazing it's YOU girlfriend! when was the last day you weren't a) working 10 hours a day, b) renovating your house or c) being outdoorsy? i command it!
me - take it from a PRO that is me: lie there. pet your cat. pick your feet. pick your nose. don't wash your sheets. don't make your bed. watch bad cable. and enjoy it. watch a marathon of i love the 80s on vh1. watch the entire season of project runway back to back. heck, watch the ultimate coyote ugly search on cmt. flip thru cooking magazines, daydream about all the stuff you're never gonna make then order a pizza instead. pick your pimples. try on sunglasses. make funny faces in the mirror. juggle. toss a pillow up and down. for hours. play 5 cds in a row, and read all the lyrics in all the inserts. draw tattoos on your arm with a sharpie. if you do go outside, just lie on a towel and stare at the clouds. get online and research exciting things about the full moon tonight and imagine all the supernatural things that are gonna happen because of it. read the chronicle from front to back. try on all your clothes and create new outfits. put purple & orange together and see what happens. laugh at yourself in the mirror. take pictures of yourself upside down. dance around the living room with miss kitty. sing in your karaoke machine and pretend that you really *are* roy orbison. sing in your karaoke machine and pretend that you really *are* dean stockwell pretending he's roy orbison singing candy-colored clown they call the sandman in blue velvet. heck, watch blue velvet. sew. write. look up random words in the dictionary. play madlibs. call an out-of-town friend who doesn't work daytime. make a cocktail. make a milkshake. eat nothing but cereal for all three meals today. paint your toenails. put a towel around your shoulders and run around the house like it's a cape and act as if you're a superhero. save miss kitty's life from the throes of death from the treacherous fires of hades. look up throes and treacherous and see if you're even using/spelling them correctly. make up new words then email them to everyone you know. plot how you're gonna post stickers around town with these new words and convince everyone they really are words. find them listed on wikipedia next year. practice your reverse roundhouse kick. you never know when you really might need it. watch kill bill and learn some new ninja moves from uma. talk in a foreign accent. act as if you're a frenchie and say merci and beaucoup a lot. walk around naked. walk around naked just wearing tennis shoes. laugh at yourself. hope that nobody's watching you through your open windows. then remember that's why you left them open in the first place. write a letter to someone saying all the things you'd never say and finally get it off your chest. cry. feel better. breathe. sit in front of the fan and cool off. stand in front of the fan with a scarf on and pretend you're in a rock video. grab your video camera and *make* a rock video. prance around your bedroom like you're david bowie. lie there and stare at the ceiling and try to count to 1000. start over. like twenty times. give up. move on. take a nap. take a nap within your nap. imagine if you could fly and people would feed you as you're flying. listen to space music. plan a dinner & a movie night, asian-themed. plan a chinese new year party...for next february. dance around the living room to sexual revolution and hope your roommate doesn't come home.
