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wzenbetty speaks...

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blog links:
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the doppler effect
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princess mal
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wSunday, February 01, 2009

laziness. or is it apathy. or is it...too busy right now. or is it...too numb.

nobody likes to hear anybody complain...so i'll just say that everything is great. because, essentially, it really is. it really could be a lot lot worse.

posted by zenbetty at 4:13 AM


wThursday, December 04, 2008

Treat yourself with care. Get plenty of rest. Tempt yourself with healthy, delicious foods. Wear your warm fleecy pajamas. Indulge and comfort yourself.

Write a list of 50 things that are good and worthwhile about you. Once you've completed the list, add one more thing to it every day.

Change up your weekend routine. Plan new adventures with your friends. Join a book club or take a cooking class. Go to concerts or films you wouldn't normally see.

Redecorate. Bring some bright, bold colors into your life. Rearrange the furniture and put new pictures on the walls.

Volunteer. There is an increasing body of evidence that suggests we all feel happier and more fulfilled if we help other people. Altruism is one of the best ways to boost your mood.

Exercise is the healthy way to let off steam and de-stress. Increased physical activity releases endorphins, which are chemicals in your brain that lift mood. If you can't face the gym, try walking, yoga, or dancing.

So if you see me out dancing like this, don't be afraid. I haven't lost my mind. I'm just shakin' out whatever ails me at the moment...or preventing any stressful holiday breakdowns that are easily prevented, by dancing, of course.

posted by zenbetty at 12:44 AM


wThursday, September 25, 2008


@ Beaut​y Bar

click​ here on do512​.com to rsvp,​ entry​ ONLY $3!!
(and only $5 if you don'​t rsvp)​

and over at emo'​s.​.​.​

rsvp here

oh, and over at lovejoy's = summer wardrobe


posted by zenbetty at 5:05 PM


wWednesday, September 24, 2008

I will be updating this link with ACL and not-so-ACL goings-on, with things to do starting...tonight!





or more like this..


1 - Project Runway @ The Side Bar
EPISODE 11: Rock N' Runway
The designers tune in to their musical side for a musical genre challenge.
Guest Judge: LL Cool J, Airs Wed Sept 24, 8-9pm CST

2 - The Lost Soul Revue
(I will be there @ 9pm after PR, get there when you can!)

3 - According to Hollywood Gossip, your big weekend of music starts TONIGHT! That's when EMO'S is rockin' with Til We're Blue or Destroy, Hollywood Gossip, and Prom Nite. Prom Nite and Hollywood Gossip will seduce you with new songs and previews of their upcoming albums. Til We’re Blue will rock your body as it continues its week-long domination of downtown.
Like This:
-10 PM- Prom Nite
-11 PM- Hollywood Gossip
-12 MIDNITE- Til We're Blue or Destroy

but hold on tight...that's just the starter for now

posted by zenbetty at 11:16 AM


wWednesday, September 26, 2007

15 Things I Learned in Marfa this Weekend

There were some things I already knew, some things I had forgotten but remembered, and some things I learned for the very first time.

1) I remembered I love road trips. Hitting the open road and heading out of town is one of the best feelings in the world. Listening to good music without a care in the world and leaving your life behind in the rearview mirror is completely invigorating.

2) I enjoy the company of strangers. I rode up there with two new friends (strangers!) and rode home with another new friend/stranger. Both trips (6+ hours!) were highly enjoyable conversing with these new people in my life, and just learning about them and who they are and where they have been and where they want to go. The most refreshing aspect of being amongst these strangers was that they were not judging me, they didn’t have any preconceived notions of who I am or who I was or who I'm supposed to be, and they had no expectations of me, no grudges against me, and nothing but an earnest appreciation of my company. And that meant the world to me.

3) I’m not allergic to bees after all! Yes, I got stung on my left breast (!) while wearing my bikini at the pool. Ha! I had been terrified of being stung by a bee my entire life because my father was completely allergic and had to race to the hospital for a shot upon being stung. So weird it is (and such a waste of time) how much energy you can scare yourself with stuff that has never happened before, and when it does finally happen and it didn’t turn out as bad as you expected, you’re like omigod, wasted energy! So I'm trying to change that completely. But unfortunately that puts me back into the “live fast, die young” mode. Alas, I'm no longer young, so I think that just means I'll be living fast. Ha. But point to be noted: there is much to be said for caution. Just not for cowardice.

p.s. Why is everyone so afraid of bees? I thought I would almost die was my legit reason. It barely even hurt. (But you should have seen the frozen shocked expression on my face as I held my breath for about half an hour, waiting for my body to implode. It was pretty funny. Well awkward funny, but still funny nonetheless.) But people, unless you are allergic, there is no reason to be afraid of a bee sting.

4) I don't look half bad for a 35-year-old gal. I also enjoy the company of people my age, rather than the 22-year-old hipsters who are invading the Austin scene. (No offense to those 22-year-old hipsters who I am actually good friends with. You, personally, are wonderful in my eyes! And I enjoy being around you because, well, I need some drinking buddies and the old farts my age (sorry old fart friends) can't keep up anymore. Not that I really can either, but you know what I mean.) It was just fun talking about stuff from years back and you didn’t have to explain everything, like they knew the same bands, the same tv shows, the same movies of your time, and that instantly created a “yeah, I know where you’re coming from” kind of rapport. Regarding the hipsters these days who are too cool for me to hang with, perhaps it’s just my time to move on out and leave this city behind for the next generation of kids. Sounds good to me. I have christened this city well for you, you next generation of youth. Enjoy it. And don’t destroy it. And keep all those condo-moving-in mother-f’ers in line. I’m leaving you with a mighty task, young people of austin: keep my red river dirty.

5) I make a pretty decent bartender. And I enjoy it. And I enjoy hard work, manual labor, and getting a little dirt under my nails. I love picking up kegs, getting filthy with dust blowing in my face, beer sloshing over my clothes, and my boots completely covered in mud. And then, not even showering it off at the end of the night. Mmm. Gross disgusting beautiful feeling. I love it, ha. Let's go camping again soon. Say when.


6) I need to sleep more. If anyone can figure out that one for me, please do let me know.

7) I let two new girl friends braid my hair and put make-up on me (yes, in the middle of a desert campsite, we were primping one night, ha). And as much as I resisted, it really was kinda fun. And I have come to the conclusion that braids look pretty good on me, if I may say so myself. But people hollering at me "hey cowgirl" and "hey pigtails" to get better service at the bar is something I would only allow in Marfa TX (so don't you locals go gettin' any silly ideas).

p.s. Braids shrink up when you get them wet. And then they look like fish scales the next morning. Oh and then your hair totally frizzes when two days later you finally take them out and you decide you absolutely must brush that rat’s nest and it takes about two hours to brush out all the gnarly tangles, and then you look like you stuck your finger in an electrical outlet. No but seriously, it really was fun.

I sat in one of these dutch tubs one night. O to be able to afford one for my backyard would be nice.

8) Old friends are some of the best friends you can ever have. It's great to spend the entire day with someone you have known for over 17 years. And even better, that every time you run into them over those past 17 years, whenever it may be, you slip right back into that comfortableness and familiarity that comes with knowing someone that long. And instead of feeling more distant with the passing years and fewer conversations, you actually feel the opposite, you feel that much closer during these random sightings, birthday blessings, and lovely surprise encounters in the middle of a West Texas desert. And you don't waste your time talking about stuff that doesn't matter. I love that, getting to the real grit right away. People talk too much about stuff that doesn't matter. Why are people so afraid to talk about that which may be scary or painful or real or sad. So instead, they keep it to, "How’s the weather?” Chitchat. I hate that. Oh, I'm not supposed to 'hate' anymore. Let me rephrase: chitchat, I will eliminate that.

9) I do have goals and dreams and desires and aspirations. And I am a creative person. And I don't need to show anyone a 'final product' per se to prove it. I don't need to prove it at all. I don't need to get something published or put something out there just to show that there are ideas in my head worth listening to or worth reading or believing. And I don't need anyone to ever tell me I'm unmotivated. Perhaps they just can't see the twinkle in my eye, that spark of inspiration that is triggered almost every other second of almost every day within me. I know what's in me, and I love it.

10) I love being in nature. I love the sun. I love swimming. I love sleeping under an open sky. I love running around with dogs and children in a field and not acting my age. I love helping out strangers. I love being helped by strangers. I love coming up with solutions to problems the old-fashioned way. I love small towns, texas charm, and the thrill of a new place. I love nobody knowing my last name, where I grew up, or what I was doing twelve years ago. I love flying by the seat of my pants, going with the flow, and not having any idea how I'm getting back home after a weekend in west texas...and not even blinking an eye or spending one ounce of worry on that situation you find yourself in. Live in the now, the present. Forget about everything else. I'm replacing all negative thoughts with only positive ones. We only grow by outgrowing.

11) I took pictures of the clouds and the scenery on the drive up there. And that was it, ha. I took no other pictures the entire weekend. Except one: the liquor store. I pulled it out only that once for the liquor storefront photo. Cuz I'm like that. And yes, it will probably take me six months to get those few pictures off my camera and posted online. Get over it.

12) I can play the saw. Yes! I was taught (and I learned!) how to play the saw. At first, my "technique" sounded like a dying cat, but then I was patient enough and didn't give up. I'm sure I looked completely awkward and uncomfortable sitting there with a saw squeezed between my knees, held in the proper “S” curve position (ha), barely balancing on a barstool, but I did it. (Who only knows if I could ever do it again though.) And thank you, my saw-playing teacher (who was rather patient as well).

13) I love laughing out loud and having a permanent smile on my face. I love people who can make me laugh and I can make them laugh. I laugh just thinking about laughing. I'm a pretty funny gal when it comes down to it. And if you can stand me, I'm pretty fun to hang around with as well.

14) As much as I dread going to work, or leaving for out of town, or exercising, or whatever the case...the dread is futile. It is wasted energy. Once I step foot outside of my front door, and sit behind the wheel of that car or enter that airport, I'm great. I am no longer in control or fretful of what I might have forgotten. It’s too late now, and I can't fly that plane. My desire for control disappears completely as I realize that everything is now out of my hands. If I could just realize that more often in the little things in life (like that horrible cliche "don't sweat the small stuff"), well then I'd probably stop and smell the roses a lot more. Even though I’ve never come across a random field of roses. (And I probably wouldn't accomplish much either actually, ha, bending over with my nose to the dirt all the time.) And packing for trips, I really use very little of what I bring when it comes down to it. I do not know at all why I have so much in my closet or why I pack so much in my bag. I wore about three things, but I could have lived off of what I had packed for an entire month. No lie. Which I almost decided to do. Again, no lie. I almost didn't come back...

All I need are some vegetarian snacks, contacts solution, and...well, that's really about it, the rest is inconsequential. Except beer. I need beer. And vodka doesn't hurt either. And straws. Straws are always fun. See, there goes my list again. Okay, but eating, seeing, and drinking are pretty vital things. I can keep those three on my list. We’ll worry about clothes and shelter when we get there. Wherever ‘there’ is.

15) I found myself again. I thought I had lost me, but I was incorrect. I have been here the entire time.

posted by zenbetty at 2:32 PM


wTuesday, September 25, 2007

American Cities That Best Fit You:
65% Austin
60% San Diego
55% Atlanta
55% Honolulu
50% Denver

posted by zenbetty at 2:50 PM



observations on life
january 4, 2007

showers are weird. you stand there...and water falls on you.

puck is an odd word.

brushing your teeth feels really strange if you think about it. if you sit there slowly and analyze the feel of that brush on your teeth. brush. your teeth. we believe we are so civilized with our teeth brushing and our showers of water.

secret santas shouldn't present their gifts on thursday january 4th. but hey, better late than never, right? (i hope.)

"insist they are in earnest" is the coolest sounding phrase ever.

i've got "right eye's revenge"

i've also got arm stubble

i have a gnat flying around my head. at work.

some people in the world are good.

my keyboard feels extra special today. like happy endings special.

thursdays are always good...for more reasons than two.

"If you see somebody in distress, go for it!"

if you're talking about work on ichat at work and your hands are in the wrong position, close window! can be mistyped as vlodr einfon!

there are some very good factoids in the side bar ladies bathroom.

i think capitalization is overrated.

what does happiness smell like?

posted by zenbetty at 12:42 PM



Jan 2 2007

New Year's Resolutions

this struck me as funny, cuz yes it is easier to fix things in other people's lives than in your own...

Rather than find things to improve about myself, I like to ring in the New Year by making lists of resolutions for the special people in my life, to help them pinpoint and fix the qualities that aren't so great about them.

Herewith, my resolutions:

1. Pay less attention to conversations across the room that have nothing to do with you. Try to chime in with your unsolicited opinion as close to never as possible.
2. Wear flattering clothes that fit your body type. 'Nuff said.

Nothing kills a punchline like a cogent analysis (i.e. "That's so funny because it exposes the folly of our social compacts..."). Please don't ruin it for the rest of us.

You're 35 and still living in your parents' house while trying to decide what to do with your life. Guess what: it's half over already. Do anything.

Fifteen years ago, getting drunk every night was called "being young and wild." Now it's called "alcoholism."

Seinfeld has been off the air for a decade now. You can stop finding constant parallels between your lives and the hilarious misadventures of Jerry and Co.

Cigarettes are totally rebellious when you steal them. If you actually give money to the huge billionaire tobacco companies, however, you're not a rebel. Also, you're starting to sound like Harvey Fierstein. Time to quit.

C'mon, readers, fess up...you've got armfuls of resolutions you'd just love to give the people in your life! Send 'em to me so I can snicker at your secret cruelty. And Happy New Year!

posted by zenbetty at 12:42 PM


wMonday, August 06, 2007

i knew you were going

-how? what?

stalking you

-what? nuh-uh. what are you talking about?

Aug 9 2006 9:14A
There is one pimp Jiltron Trooper heading up there next week... that's a warning. haha!

Jul 19 2006 5:26P
Jimmy is forcing me to drive the Trooper up to Kansas next month. We'll be there~
Lawrence...watch out! Here we come!!

i knew you would be there
i was keeping my eyes open for you

posted by zenbetty at 12:17 PM


wWednesday, March 21, 2007

Happy Birthday To Me

So...for many a years now, having it been post-sxsw or merely post-spring break, I have habitually thrown myself a birthday party the following weekend. Probably every year since the age of 19. Though this may seem a bit egotistical, it couldn't be further from the truth. I'm not the type who withholds my birthday information to make people prove they can remember my birthday, I do it simply as a reason to celebrate. My reason. Or me and my friend's reason. Or me and my friends' reasons. Hey! It's my birthday! Let me buy you a beer! A reason to party. To celebrate. To gather with friends and it not be about work or a new home or a certain holiday or coworkers or appearances or anything. Just get drunk in my yard and he who falls down first wins.

Now, the subject of a house party has been under debate for quite a few years now. (i.e. I'm 35...do I really want to throw another kegger?! Do I really want to host a party where the 21-year-olds are now fourteen years younger than me, rather than me being the 21-year-old throwing the party?! When oh when is it eventually time to grow up?!) So you contemplate that 'nice dinner party' where a few of you gather at Mars or Castle Hill or some other over-priced restaurant that I never go to anyway, nor do I really care to go to. (It really isn't about diamonds for me. And I'm a vegetarian, so who wants to pay $15 for a salad.) So what do I want?

Could this be the postpartum SXSW talking? (ie. Now what do I do with my life?) When the idea of sitting and doing nothing and just reading a book sounds like the most wonderful of wonderful activities. To read a book and not think that you are wasting your time or that you could be doing hours of work still or that you could be doing hours of personal stuff to prepare you for the negative time you will have throughout the months of February and March. Where have all my friends gone? I haven't talked to them in months...will they still remember me? Will they pick up the phone if I call or reply to my emails when I send them one? Will they understand that I didn't have a life for those three precious 30-day intervals from the onset of 2007? Who has gotten married or broken up or gotten pregnant or wrecked their cars or got laid off or moved to a new home or started a new project or went back to school or found the love of their lives or whose mother has fallen ill or all the daily ins and outs of normal life when I don't have that normal life, that through conversation connects you to the loved ones around you. Not the inane chatter of how is the weather, but the deep and honest conversations that truly connect you to the people in your life. Started a new job, playing in the band of my dreams, passed the bar exam, got arrested again, dyed my hair platinum, things that will make this person who was almost a constant in your weekly routine now almost seem as a stranger that you will have to relearn, but only if they are willing to let you relearn them. And will also have to be rather content with you not having anything new or exciting to say because you will have to relearn yourself as well, and invent new memories in the oncoming months ahead.

These things, these connections, these conversations, it's what makes my relationships real with other people, other friends, my chosen family of my life. I ask a lot of questions, bam bam bam, nonlinear as the thought or question strikes, cuz I want to know the details, the story is in the details, don't miss a single detail or don't bother and let's just start over. And now...I have a build-up of three months of unasked & unanswered questions. Do I start over? Do I start from today? Do I just say hello and let things unwind as they will? Do I rent the season of Lost and 24 so that I know what everyone in the grocery store is talking about?


I just stop. Kick back. Slow down. Start over. Begin anew. For the first time, on this start over time of all times, Miss Kitty is not there waiting for me to wind down with. This little furry creature who I spent 14 years with is not there when the clock finally turns from 200% speed back to normal, and I can watch a bad sitcom without staring at the clock thinking I should be doing something else, something productive. And missing Miss Kitty may seem like the most random of things to say, but it was the one thing that definitely struck me last night when I got home to crash because I couldn't stay awake past 5pm for lack of sleep during the past month. There are my friends, who know who they are, who I got to see a lot during SXSW that I absolutely did not think I would get to see, and there was one that I would have very much liked to see, but it didn't work out. And there were others who I knew I would see afterwards so I wasn't too afraid of not seeing them at that time. But now, how do you ask...Hey? What are y'all doing tonight? Can I join again? Even though I had to blow you off for the past three months? or...Hey, wanna go to lunch sometime, even though I haven't been able to take a lunch since January? Some people understand, and some people don't. And some people understand all too well and know when to smother me with kindness when I am sad, and to leave me some breathing room when that sadness is pushed to the brink of tears. And sometimes this week you will see a glance of a smile, of pure joy, of I survived, and I did well. And with all that being said, I can be me again. That other 75% of me that we haven't seen in a while. That other 75% of me that is there 75% of the year. And hopefully, hopefully, my friends will understand. And slowly let me back into their lives with their stories of life and love and romance and sorrow and anticipation and excitement and fear and all of the wonderful emotions that make us human. And friends.

So...what does this have to do with my birthday? Well, I have always tried to get people together, from all walks of life. Friends of friends of friends, or old coworkers, or old roommates, or old friends who don't talk anymore but should, and old lovers who aren't really mad at each other anymore but don't know it yet, and hippies and posers and preps and bartenders and rockers and artists and quote "normal" people and just all people. Last week, I hated everybody. This week, that statement couldn't be further from the truth. I miss my father. I miss Miss Kitty. And I am grateful for everyone else I have met along the way. And I have always tried to get them together the week after the chaos when it is no longer about the chaos, but it is just about being together as human beings again, and celebrating life. It's not about my birthday, it's about us celebrating our lives. together.

Sorry I'm being sappy. I'm still rather weak and tired right now. And sick. And wanting to jump for joy to the sky, while at the same time, wanting to lie in my bed for four solid days and hire a personal chef, chauffeur, masseuse, and physician.

But come celebrate with me Friday, if you have the day off work like I do. I am in need for some spirits and libations. aka "I love a good day drunk!"

p.s. Monday is officially my birthday. I plan on getting daydrunk Monday as well. There's nothing so compellingly delicious as getting daydrunk on a weekday at 2pm...

posted by zenbetty at 5:51 PM


wThursday, January 25, 2007

What am I? What am I?

(video blogging is the laziest form of blogging.
but this was so damn funny i just couldn't help it)

posted by zenbetty at 2:39 PM



Shut Up Hooker

posted by zenbetty at 10:32 AM


wTuesday, January 23, 2007

i'm just not cool enough to blog every day...

how do people do it?!

posted by zenbetty at 4:35 PM


wMonday, January 22, 2007

Blue Monday: the most depressing day of the year.
If you are down today, you're not alone.

Last year's Blue Monday

How to Beat Blue Monday

posted by zenbetty at 2:55 PM


wTuesday, January 16, 2007

p.s. NSFW

p.s. #2 that means: Not Suitable For Work

swamp ass
bat wings
The prime piece of real estate located conveniently betweeen Scrotumburg and Anusville.
aka gooch = gay cooch
(piece of skin connecting the scrotum & testes to the poo chute)
fromunda - slimy residue commonly found under a nut sac
aka dick cheese
beefalope (oh, i don't like that one)
i actually wrote "that is horrible" i censored.
greft - The cream cheese that accumulates underneath a black man's balls.
(African variety of fromunda) wow, they specify race dick cheese...interesting.
bonch. so bonch i wasn't gonna write about/define
i wrote: confusion exists because honestly...humans do NOT speak in the same language.
-area in Manhattan between 23rd & 34th East of Lexington
-island (i like that) island of flesh between your balls and asshole
(Human Perineum, male or female. It's close to your heini and on girls it's tiny; ass side of ball-town, ball side of ass-berg.)
-a pleasant ripe papaya
-area between stink & pink
So there...ogoodness i used a capital letter. There (papaya and genitalia might be the common language/derivative...who knows)
Ian's mifkin was enjoyed by the man he met on thursday night after a forty of Ole E.
the hallway between hot dog stand and men's restroom.
same? yes. no?!
you are right. look all these up and more at urbandictionary.com we do speak the same language. but we are just speaking in tongues.


but i still do not know what assassippi means.

posted by zenbetty at 1:55 AM


wThursday, January 04, 2007

so here's an oldie but goodie:

posted by zenbetty at 5:47 PM



omigoodness. i have not blogged in forever.

posted by zenbetty at 5:46 PM


wMonday, November 20, 2006

I don't know what to say, Sarah. Except I had a friend commit suicide two Februarys ago, and it affected me more tremendously than I ever thought it would. Not because we were close and she loved me unconditionally, like your dear friend did you. But because I didn't have a clue as to the depths of her distress. I could have called her on her birthday, I could have given her another day of hope, another voice of someone she knew was out there. I could have been a better friend and reached out to know her more. But I had no idea. And the scary thing is, it could be any one of us with all these demons bottled up inside, it could even be me, and we have no idea because, well not because we don't listen enough, but because we just cannot hear what another is thinking if they do not tell us. Sure, there are signs. But the minister said we were not to blame ourselves for not being there more. Not to think what if, what could I have done differently. Not to be too sad because she was full of laughter when she was happy, and when she wasn't, then the depression just became too great for one human being to withstand. And at the time, I thought more than anything, what if it had been me? What if I had been sitting there alone and imploding with this intense turmoil and didn't know how to find the light at the end of the tunnel? Who would I turn to? Who would find me and save me and know that I needed help? I cried more there at my friend's funeral than at my own father's funeral. I cried at her funeral for her, and I cried for my father, and I cried for her parents, and I cried for her sister talking up there at the podium. And I pictured my own sister speaking about me, up there, not knowing what to say and not having any idea that I had been that tortured inside. And I cried for all the sad people in all of the world who don't think there's any other way out of the darkness. At my father's funeral I couldn't cry because I had to be strong for my family. Or so I thought. So it just opened the flood gates last February, and the years of emotions and pent-up sorrow just came pouring out, as I sat in the back of the pews by myself, hoping nobody was staring at me and judging me, thinking to themselves about me and her "Why is she crying? They weren't even that good of friends." Because it was for the loss of all life that I wept for on that day. It was definitely the feeling of hopelessness and helplessness above everything else that was repressed and released out of me that day. I can't feel your pain exactly, losing such a good friend in such a tragic way. But I can feel your pain in a different sort of way, losing a friend, losing someone to suicide, losing a father to cancer. And it scares me many times over. And I have to keep telling myself, as I tell you: Don't give up hope. Don't lose faith.

"Even in our sleep, pain which cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart until, in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom through the awful grace of God."
-- Aeschylus

I cried more during my father's illness, at the onset mostly, when we found out about the cancer. And then there was a time of hope amongst the remission. And then I cried more again later after we found out the severity of the returning cancer. I let myself experience my loss then, at the time of the illness, rather than waiting till the finality of his death. I went through the phases of denial/acceptance whatnot through the entire process of his sickness, so when time for the actual funeral came, I was just going through the motions on auto-pilot, making the arrangements, being strong for my mother. You, however, were not allowed that grieving period, that time to say good-bye, that time to spend what precious moments you have left with another human being that you can choose to spend because you know that time is precious, that the time left is short. You woke up one day, and he was gone. And that is why now, you, me, everyone, must live life to the fullest. That is why you never go to sleep mad at a lover. That is why you never walk away from someone while saying mean things because you may never ever be able to take those cruel words back.

I didn't talk to my friends for quite a while, and if you know me, you know I'm rather a social person. I had to decompress. Sit at home. Watch movies. Cry alone. Lie in my room with Miss Kitty. Unleash my grief into a journal. Take a filmmaking class. Distract myself with long excursions at HEB and the library. Not drink at all. Try to sleep when I could. Go through the motions at work. Survive.

"Sitting silently, doing nothing, spring comes and the grass grows by itself."

I watched a sappy movie last night, but the words rang true: "You did not lose your control. You did not lose your freedom. You lost your illusions of the world and the idea that you were ever in control." It IS a scary and unpredictable place, and those thoughts frighten me every day. I have this fear of loss that is almost insurmountable. I have plenty of acquaintances, but few very close close friends. Few who know everything about me. And this impending fear of loss, too, has always been a detriment to whatever dating situation I may encounter. I have never been horribly dumped or truly betrayed, so the true root of this problem is still rather a mystery to me. One origin could be the fact that we moved around a lot while I was growing up. So getting attached to someone then having to leave them quite soon after became a ritual I had to become accustomed to. And this reality either allows one to develop deep personal relationships very quickly and permanently, or, in my case, caused me to float around in life and realize that we're all just drifting, and knowing that if I attach myself to anyone or anything, it definitely will soon be gone, because that is just a way of life. Everything must end. The existentialist in me would take over. So why bother? Such a horrible term that would fly out of my mouth too easily. Why bother? Why bother to make lasting and life-changing relationships with the people around you? Is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never have loved at all? At some times, I really don't know. When the pain is so great, one tends to think, no, loss is not better. When given the choice between feeling nothing and feeling pain, which would you choose? Why bother..? Because that is what life is made of. All we have are our connections with other human beings. And if these connections and relationships we create don’t matter, then I don’t know what I’m doing here on planet earth.

What you think you create
What you feel you attract
What you imagine you become

I'll tell you one thing NOT to do: do not listen to Radiohead - Kid A. Well you can. I have an entry here from a day before the funeral, and this is before knowing it was a suicide yet. We had only been informed that she had passed away. Still, the grief was building even then:

Feb 7, 2005 - When you don't know how you're supposed to feel...
(Scroll down to Feb 7, 2005)

DO get cheesy & read some Richard Bach: Illusions or Jonathan Livingston Seagull.

DO wake up early on a Saturday morning and go to the Austin Farmer's Market. Try new things, break your routine, go places you've never been before. Call up old friends, reconnect with family, meet new people.

We're thinking of going to this tomorrow [The Small Stars at Hyde Park Theatre], if you'd be interested in joining, please do. As a friend, I've become a decent listener to some subjects others might find too difficult to discuss. And I've also become a good hospital companion over the past few years, if one ever needs to hold a hand at a hospital bedside. I've found strengths I've never ever known I had. I've also found weaknesses that run much deeper than I could have ever imagined. But that's what makes us human. Vulnerable, yet destined for survival. Perfectly flawed. Achingly beautiful.

I think the reason I started writing entries back in October 2002 was because I finally needed to just start getting sad stuff off my chest, and there was no one to listen to me, or no one I felt comfortable leaning on. So I just wrote to myself. To keep myself sane. No one really reads my blog, I don't post regularly at all, it has just always been there more for me to release some of those thoughts so they don't bottle up. Sometimes to keep the sadness out of overwhelming my everyday life. Other times to express my utmost joy. Write it all down. And listen to disco music. When youre ready. Re-reading all this, you're really taking me back. And I guess the most important thing I see, is don't forget them. Even when people are gone from your life, don't let them disappear from your memory.

Here are a couple of Bowie songs to get you through the day. Also, I'll burn you Kid A if you don't already own it. Cuz you really should own it.

It Ain't Easy (mp3)

Rock 'N Roll Suicide (mp3)

Oh no love! you're not alone
You're watching yourself but you're too unfair
You got your head all tangled up but if I could only make you care
Oh no love, you're not alone
No matter what or who you've been
No matter when or where you've seen
All the knives seem to lacerate your brain
I've had my share, I'll help you with the pain

You're not alone
Just turn on with me and you're not alone
Let's turn on and be not alone
Gimme your hands cause you're wonderful
You're wonderful
Gimme your hands!

(This is probably my all-time favorite song.)


Happy Thanksgiving. The holidays are hard, too, so that doesn't help. As are the gray days and the nights that are dark by 5pm. So here's one more song that will leave you thinking happy thoughts and remind you to be thankful:

Be Thankful for What You've Got (mp3)

Everything WILL be okay. Everything will always be the way it is meant to be.


thank your lucky stars for everything in your life.
everything happens for a reason, and everything doesn't happen for a reason.
you draw you write you play you eat you drink you dance
you laugh you smile you cry
you live

take care. i'm thinking of you. and i know you are in many others' thoughts as well.


My father passed away November 23, 2002. It falls on Thanksgiving Day this year. All I can do, is be there for my mother...even though at times she gets so sad it's almost unbearable. I exude strength and confidence and joy, and I let down my guard later. Alone. Hang in there.


(I wrote this quickly, so please forgive my misspellings and/or misuse of some words. I just wanted to get it out there quickly, to let you know that you are not alone. We are all here alone. But we really don't have to be.)

posted by zenbetty at 4:06 PM


wFriday, November 10, 2006

Tap That Ass Recipe

1 oz Hennessy® cognac
1 oz Alize® Red Passion liqueur
1 oz Alize® Gold Passion liqueur
1 splash cranberry juice
top with soda water

Fill the hurricane glass with ice. Pour the Hennessy, Red Alize, and Yellow Alize. Splash in some Cranberry Juice and top it off with soda. For garnish you can add a slice of pineapple and/or cherries.

posted by zenbetty at 2:14 PM


wThursday, November 09, 2006

this is your brain on jill

cleanbutt.com vs cutherbutt.blogspot.com

Robots Run Amuck at dorkbot tonight
And let the robot holocaust commence: Robots think we taste like bacon

koop radio benefit this saturday at red's scoot inn
and funfunfunfest fri dec 1

josh homme is a hottie
and there's chaos at the luau

purity balls are scary
but neuticles never get old

b told kfed of divorce via blackberry
and html is easy

posted by zenbetty at 12:57 PM


wFriday, November 03, 2006

UFO - CNN reports on The Disclosure Project

posted by zenbetty at 1:52 PM


wTuesday, October 24, 2006

ugly is the new hot.

posted by zenbetty at 4:55 PM


wFriday, October 20, 2006

posted by zenbetty at 12:18 PM


wThursday, October 19, 2006

Without T-Shirt:

  • You will not be served in restaurants.

  • You will catch cold.

  • People will think you're showing off.

(courtesy of Screech of the Decapitated)

posted by zenbetty at 5:12 PM


wMonday, October 16, 2006

i hate days like today. maybe it's the rain. maybe it's the dark morning. maybe it's the monday.

and it doesn't help that i woke up on the wrong side of the nightmare.

someone please do something nice for me today. please do something to cheer me up...because i'm unable to cheer myself up on my own this morning.

posted by zenbetty at 11:12 AM


wWednesday, October 11, 2006

If You Wear That Velvet Dress (mp3)

Tonight the moon is playing tricks again
I'm feeling sea sick again
The whole world could just dissolve
Into a glass of water

I've been good 'cause I know you don't want me to
Do you really want me to be blue as you
It's her daylight that gets me through

We've been here before
Last time you scratched at my door
The moon was naked and cold
I was like a two year old
Who just wanted more

If you wear that velvet dress
If you wear that velvet dress

Tonight the moon has drawn its curtains
It's a private show
No one else going to know
I'm wanting

It's okay, the struggle for things not to say
I never listened to you anyway
And I got my own hands to pray

But if you wear that velvet dress
But if you wear that velvet dress

Tonight the moon is a mirrorball
Light flickers from across the hall
Who'll catch the star when it falls

If you wear that velvet dress


posted by zenbetty at 11:49 AM


wTuesday, October 10, 2006

Here is
a test to find
whether your mission on earth
is finished:

If you're alive,
it isn't.


posted by zenbetty at 5:18 PM


wMonday, October 09, 2006

Album Cover Galore!

fwd from my good friend antneon

posted by zenbetty at 3:25 PM


wFriday, October 06, 2006

Space Weather News
for Oct 6, 2006

HARVEST MOON: Tonight's full moon has a special name--the "Harvest Moon." It is the full moon closest to the northern autumnal equinox. Long ago, before electric lights, farmers relied on the Harvest Moon to light up their fields at night, allowing them to harvest autumn crops even after sunset.

The Harvest Moon of 2006 is a big one--almost 12% wider than some full Moons we've seen earlier this year. Why? Because the Moon is near perigee, the side of the Moon's lopsided orbit that comes closest to Earth.

When the Harvest Moon rises tonight, go outside and look around. You might see some strange things.

posted by zenbetty at 4:28 PM



"tell me it's ok to take a day off"

email conversation earlier today:

girlfriend 1 - who's playing hooky from work today? me! i'm being so lazy today - someone tell me it's ok to take a day off & not do much of anything. i feel guilty looking at all my incomplete house projects. and it's so beautiful outside but all i want to do is nothin'!

girlfriend 2 - OMG girl! if ever i knew anyone who needed to take a day of navel-gazing it's YOU girlfriend! when was the last day you weren't a) working 10 hours a day, b) renovating your house or c) being outdoorsy? i command it!

me - take it from a PRO that is me:
lie there. pet your cat. pick your feet. pick your nose. don't wash your sheets. don't make your bed. watch bad cable. and enjoy it. watch a marathon of i love the 80s on vh1. watch the entire season of project runway back to back. heck, watch the ultimate coyote ugly search on cmt. flip thru cooking magazines, daydream about all the stuff you're never gonna make then order a pizza instead. pick your pimples. try on sunglasses. make funny faces in the mirror. juggle. toss a pillow up and down. for hours. play 5 cds in a row, and read all the lyrics in all the inserts. draw tattoos on your arm with a sharpie. if you do go outside, just lie on a towel and stare at the clouds. get online and research exciting things about the full moon tonight and imagine all the supernatural things that are gonna happen because of it. read the chronicle from front to back. try on all your clothes and create new outfits. put purple & orange together and see what happens. laugh at yourself in the mirror. take pictures of yourself upside down. dance around the living room with miss kitty. sing in your karaoke machine and pretend that you really *are* roy orbison. sing in your karaoke machine and pretend that you really *are* dean stockwell pretending he's roy orbison singing candy-colored clown they call the sandman in blue velvet. heck, watch blue velvet. sew. write. look up random words in the dictionary. play madlibs. call an out-of-town friend who doesn't work daytime. make a cocktail. make a milkshake. eat nothing but cereal for all three meals today. paint your toenails. put a towel around your shoulders and run around the house like it's a cape and act as if you're a superhero. save miss kitty's life from the throes of death from the treacherous fires of hades. look up throes and treacherous and see if you're even using/spelling them correctly. make up new words then email them to everyone you know. plot how you're gonna post stickers around town with these new words and convince everyone they really are words. find them listed on wikipedia next year. practice your reverse roundhouse kick. you never know when you really might need it. watch kill bill and learn some new ninja moves from uma. talk in a foreign accent. act as if you're a frenchie and say merci and beaucoup a lot. walk around naked. walk around naked just wearing tennis shoes. laugh at yourself. hope that nobody's watching you through your open windows. then remember that's why you left them open in the first place. write a letter to someone saying all the things you'd never say and finally get it off your chest. cry. feel better. breathe. sit in front of the fan and cool off. stand in front of the fan with a scarf on and pretend you're in a rock video. grab your video camera and *make* a rock video. prance around your bedroom like you're david bowie. lie there and stare at the ceiling and try to count to 1000. start over. like twenty times. give up. move on. take a nap. take a nap within your nap. imagine if you could fly and people would feed you as you're flying. listen to space music. plan a dinner & a movie night, asian-themed. plan a chinese new year party...for next february. dance around the living room to sexual revolution and hope your roommate doesn't come home.

posted by zenbetty at 4:11 PM



Macy gray - sexual revolution

posted by zenbetty at 1:58 PM


wFriday, September 29, 2006

posted by zenbetty at 12:09 PM


wThursday, September 28, 2006

posted by zenbetty at 6:07 PM



where were you last night?



posted by zenbetty at 10:37 AM


wThursday, September 21, 2006

The Little Girl Giant

For some reason, this makes me want to cry. Because it is so beautiful. I don't know if it's the song, or the large magical girl, or the cooperation of the many hands enabling her to move so gracefully.

Or to be a child looking into her eyes. I can see her soul. She encourages me to believe in hope. And I envision the most mystical of fairy tales.

posted by zenbetty at 7:13 PM


wThursday, September 14, 2006

Friday's lineup for me~

1:30 - 2:30 Ted Leo and Pharmacists
2:30 - 3:30 deadboy & The Elephantmen (or Guster)
3:30 - 4:30 Wolf Parade
4:30 - 5:30 ***nothing*** (that Crazy songs scares the shit out of me and i'm gonna avoid all the gnarls barkley fans if possible)
5:30 - 6:30 Gomez
6:30 - 7:30 Thievery Corporation on kcrw
7:30 - 8:15 Sparklehorse
8:30 - leave Van Morrison

okay. no links. i'm stressing. too much info to remember. too much stuff to do.

posted by zenbetty at 11:11 AM


wTuesday, September 12, 2006

so i bought these choco bananas at phoenicia bakery today, and left the brown little turds on all my coworkers' desks.

sometimes i think i'm very funny.

posted by zenbetty at 2:53 PM


wMonday, September 11, 2006

The Austin City Limits Festival is quickly approaching (as in this Friday), and I still don't know if I'm even attending or not. Last year, I planned my schedule and posted online concerts for the majority of bands that I wanted to see/hear.

This year, I feel compelled not to anticipate so much, just in case el-wristband-o's do not come through. Draggity drag drag. Lastly, for 2005 ACL, I also listed my lineup of post-ACL parties, and hopefully those lovely gems will be arriving in my email inbox very soon now.

Take care. Live long and prosper. And drink lotsa water.

posted by zenbetty at 4:30 PM


wWednesday, September 06, 2006

i was so gonna be productive tonight. and work out. or clean. or both. or take care of business, i.e. bills.

but now, i really really don't want to. yeah, what do i want to do? you guessed it...drink an ice cold cocktail.

well things change, ya know, one second you're being productive. the next, it's time to regress a little.

and doesn't this just look like fun on sunday evening:

admit it. it does.

posted by zenbetty at 6:01 PM


wTuesday, September 05, 2006

[OT] Women's Tackle Football

Here is the press release for anyone interested in trying out for Austin's own women's tackle football team. They are a non-profit organization as well so if you don't want to try out, support them by going to games or through your contributions.


The Austin Outlaws Women's Football Team will kick off their 2007 pre-season by hosting open tryouts for the upcoming season on Saturday, September 16th. All women over the age of 18 who are interested in playing football are invited to attend. "We're looking for women who've always wanted to play and who are willing to put forth the effort to go bring home a Championship in 2007," says General Manager Lily Messina. Tryouts will be held at Bedichek Middle School and will start promptly at 10am. A $35 registration fee, proof of insurance, and proof of age will be required.

The Outlaws ended their 2006 season with their first appearance in the NWFA Playoffs. They went 6-2 on the regular season, ending with a loss to the Chattanooga Locomotion in Round 1 of the playoffs. "Last year was huge for us, and we made great strides. We are very excited about our ability to build on that season with an even better year!" adds Messina.

The Austin Outlaws are members of the National Womens Football Association and the only womens football team in Austin. The NWFA is the largest full-contact women's football league in the world with more than 40 teams nationwide. The Outlaws play in the Southwest Division and will battle rival teams in the Oklahoma City Lightning, Dallas Rage, Shreveport Shockers and the Pensacola Power.

For more information about our tryouts or team, you can visit the team website at www.austinoutlaws.com. You can also contact Lily Messina at (512) 796-0108 or lily_messina@yahoo.com. For additional information on the NWFA, please visit www.womensfootballassociation.com. This website receives between 1 and 3 million hits per month. Or call the league office at (615) 860-4084.

posted by reform school jill at 4:21 PM



FREE Pet Rescue Sticker. Register your pet with the ASPCA.

posted by zenbetty at 1:06 PM


wMonday, August 28, 2006

came across this blog tonight. good place to reference books. or cocktails. or both.

posted by zenbetty at 10:28 PM



yes i really have forgotten how to write. or maybe i just don't have anything left to say.

posted by zenbetty at 4:52 PM


wFriday, August 25, 2006

posted by zenbetty at 12:33 PM


wFriday, August 11, 2006

i'm sitting at home on a friday night and a 'sex and the city' episode just made me cry. her mother's funeral. death of a parent. i guess those moments will sneak up on me like that for the rest of my life.

i miss my father.

posted by zenbetty at 11:46 PM


wWednesday, August 09, 2006

okay, should i buy this velour romper

or these satin shorts?

granted, my belly wouldn't look as good as this chick's, but they're still very retro cool.

all this and other great products at American Apparel online.

now all i need are some classic white roller skates...anyone?

posted by zenbetty at 11:16 AM


wMonday, July 24, 2006

Where I will be the next couple of days...and so should you!

Tuesday July 25th

Irreversible, 7pm @ Alamo Downtown

-->After that, I'm walking over to the Velvet Spade (912 Red River) for the FREE Pong show! PONG @ 11pm, w/ Peel @ 10pm - Listen to some Pong Songs:

• Pong - Interpol
• Pong - Killer Lifestyle
• Pong - Incapacitated


Wednesday July 26th

Summer, 7pm @ Alamo Downtown

-->After that, I'm walking over to The Side Bar (602 E 7th) for their 2nd Birthday Party:


Hey Everybody!

It's that time of year again! The Side Bar is turning TWO!

So to celebrate and give a big thanks to our awesome bar family, we are throwing a huge bash! There will be a yummy BBQ spread, fun raffle, free commemorative tees, DJ for some bootie-shaking and the famous slushy-shots! Oh, and we'll have a keg of Lone Star and cake. We can't forget the cake!

So, we'd love to have you join us for what's guaranteed to be a great time had by all! After all, we would be nothing without you guys!

The party starts at 7PM, Wednesday, July 26th!

See you there!
Trey, Soo and the side bar gang
602 East 7th Street
Austin, Texas 78701


p.s. Listen to some new Scissor Sisters while you're at it.

posted by zenbetty at 2:07 PM


wMonday, July 17, 2006

Every time I see an adult on a bicycle, I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
~H. G. Wells

The bicycle points a direction. It allows people, in a simple but radical way, to gain control of their lives.
~Andrew Ritchie

The future belongs to those who understand that doing more with less is compassionate, prosperous, and enduring, and thus more intelligent, even competitive.
~Paul Hawken

The honest man is the one who realizes that he cannot consume more, in his lifetime, than he produces.
~John Galt

posted by reform school jill at 3:50 PM




How cool is this?!

You may have noticed that Northfield (North Loop Area) is blessed with an abundance of cats, some of which have one ear shorter than the other. They're our neighborhood TNR cats.

TNR is an acronym for "trap-neuter-release," a form of animal control that regulates the population of stray and feral cats. Volunteers humanely trap and neuter the cats, then release them at their original location, where they are fed and monitored in a permanent colony. While the cats are being neutered, about 1/4" of one ear tip is removed so that they can be recognized from a distance. This alerts animal control that the cat is part of a maintained colony and should not be picked up.

Studies have indicated that TNR is a more effective and less expensive means of stabilizing and ultimately reducing stray and feral cat populations than traditional trap and kill methods. Once neutered, much of the inconvenience caused by stray cats is greatly mitigated. Neutered cats fight and roam less, which leads to less spread of disease and inconvenience to neighbors. The TNR colony prevents other cats from moving in, and as the TNR cats die off naturally, individual new cats that appear can be trapped, neutered, and integrated into the colony. More information about TNR is available at www.alleycat.org.

Northfield currently has two small successful TNR colonies: one near 55th & Ave F, and one near Link & Nelray, that are managed by local volunteers. If you would like to learn more about the colonies, or would like to start one on your own block, please contact minerva@io.com.

-From the Northfield Newsletter

posted by zenbetty at 2:04 PM


wSaturday, July 15, 2006

So today I went to the Austin Farmer’s Market at 4th & Guadalupe. It was my first time there. Last month while I was on vacation, it was one of the things I vowed to do upon my return. My first Saturday back, and I’ve already done it! In Greece, all of the meals were so fresh, practically straight from the restaurant owner’s garden. People seemed to buy what they need and what was available and not to go overboard shopping, like I tend to do. So my 'resolution' was to try shopping more weekly & buying fresh, rather than stockpiling my cupboard. So now when I do use those instant rice mixes or cans of pasta sauce, I will mix in fresh veggies and fresh garlic to make it taste more homemade.

So, today I purchased...

I had the freshest hibiscus mint tea + lemonade combo. With lots of ice. ($2.00 – Nile Valley Herbs) Refreshing! Already ninety degrees at noon, I went back for a refill before I was two booths away. The next booth I stopped at was the Ethiopian food. Upon first glance, I was going to buy the spinach pie, but after tasting the spicy lentil, I was sold on that instead. ($3.50 – Aster’s Ethiopian Catering, 786-9524 – available at the Farmer’s Market, Whole Foods, & Wheatsville) Aster’s Ethiopian Catering, Spicy Split Lentils sandwich: onion, chili powder, olive oil, water, garlic, ginger, cinnamon, black pepper, salt, spices. Mmmm.

The one good thing about going at noontime (the Farmer’s Market on Saturdays is only open till 1pm) is that the prices may be $.50 off or 2-for-1 by then. The bad thing however is that they have practically run out of everything worth buying. And…they’re hot & tired and ready to pack up. I got there about 12:30pm. I almost felt rude for showing up so late, but they still appreciated the business. I even ran into an old friend/roommate Laura & her boyfriend. The pesto & soups made by Julie (Austin Readymade) sounded wonderful per the listed ingredients, but I’m gonna have to show up earlier some Saturday and catch all these treats before the booths shut down.

One booth down were the kolaches. I don’t have much of a sweet tooth, so the cream cheese kolaches weren’t that enticing to me. Oddly enough, poppy seed kolaches were said to be the standard original kolache. Those definitely didn’t look good to me (and some lady whispered to me that she didn’t really like them either), but all of them were practically sold by 12:30pm anyway. I purchased the Tomato & Feta Cheese kolache ($2.50), which was more like a sandwich. (I just ate it now. It was delicious. Also, I am currently in love with feta cheese.) I would assume from the list of vendors that these were from Southside Kolaches (because they were the only kolaches listed) but don’t hold me to it. Everyone was super friendly there, not just trying to sell their goods, but earnestly friendly. And they had been there since at least before 9am when it opens. (I'm sure I would have fizzled out by noon.)

There were plants for sale, some crafts like soaps, candles, and t-shirts (which surprised me because I thought it would be more food products out there), honey, salsas, etc. It was a manageable size, just two rows, but still enough of a variety to stock up your pantry with fresh goods for the week until next Saturday.

The second row of booths was mostly fresh veggies. As soon as I saw the sign, I knew I had to have some: Farm Fresh Eggs. We’re talking farm fresh eggs. So I marched up and asked…unfortunately, she had sold out by 11am or so. Durn! And to get my hopes up. And then I saw the back of a pick-up with towers of empty egg cartons teetering out the back. "Say you do?" Yes. One dozen eggs = $3. I’ll take ‘em! Free-range, organic-fed. (Makes me think of all these happy chickens frolicking around on their big farm in Wimberley and laying their fresh eggs daily for me. I think I might invest in a chicken someday. Someday…) And I ask, do I just bring this carton back for you? He said, “Oh yes please. See all these? We re-use. Recycle.” I said, yes I see, I love it. I’ll be back.

PLEASE BRING CLEAN CARDBOARD EGG CARTONS TO THE MARKET: These can be reused by the smaller 'yard' egg farmers. Bring them to the farmers selling eggs--they'll gladly take them off your hands.

I couldn’t walk away without some veggies, the original reason I had set out on this mission today, but the yellow tomatoes and the okra and others weren’t that appealing to me. I’m sure all the standards had walked off early, and now were just the exotic or unwanted. But I found one last booth that caught my eye, and I walked away with 3 Italian eggplants (they’re smaller & rounder than the larger black eggplant, and the lady said they were also less bitter), 1 red onion, and 1 head of elephant garlic (altogether $5.50). She had another type of garlic, but I forgot the name already, as she said it is less garlicky, and that is not what I want out of garlic. What I want is more garlic. Now, I don’t know what I’m gonna make with this veggie combo, but it should be delicious, if the freshness of the ingredients has anything to do with it.

And yes, it’s probably more expensive than those super grocery stores, but I don’t care. I’m buying fresh, organic, local, and from people in Austin. So I’ll pay a few cents more, please & thank you. I will definitely be going again. Not next Saturday though because I’m helping my mom with the Sunshine Kids. Oh, and not the next Saturday because we’re having a camping/tubing weekend. So...the first Saturday of August, I will definitely be back to Republic Square Park. They also offer a Thursday evening Farmer’s Market over on 5th & Comal, 4-7pm, so I might actually check that out over the next couple of weeks since my weekends in July are already tied up. I even signed up for a card that you can submit for a drawing for a free basket of fresh veggies (if I bring a friend, I get double stamps...wanna join me?). I think last month they were offering SW airlines tickets to entice new customers, but I think that promo is over.

Grand total = $16.50, for a drink, two sandwiches, fresh veggies & a dozen eggs. I also feel like I invested in a little piece of Austin, and that, my friend, is priceless.


My day of being a good Austin Samaritan was not over yet. Before I had left my house, I had loaded my car with my house’s paper recycling that had accumulated over the past few weeks, and dropped it off directly at the 9th St main recycling location for Ecology Action. All the good Saturday Samaritans were there, unloading their recyclables before starting the rest of their weekend. It felt good. I felt good. I had already accomplished two on my mental list of what to do when I returned from vacation:

1) Shop local. Shop at the Farmer’s Market on Saturdays & Thursdays. Buy organic, fresh, & local as much as possible.
2) Recycle. Reuse. Use less. Waste Less.
3) Bicycle more. Bike to work. Bike to friends’ houses.
4) Simplify your life. Remember what is important.


My day of being a truly Austin granola chick was still not over yet…and it wasn’t even 2pm yet.

p.s. Did I mention that Johnny Depp was hot? Yeah, just in case you didn’t know already. He was on Inside the Actors Studio last night on Bravo. He’s pretty funny & insightful, too. I wrote down two books that he recommended for acting, or at least they were two books that he had encountered when he began his acting career.

Start with:
On Method Acting, by Edward Dwight Easty

Then throw away everything you’ve learned with:
No Acting Please, by Eric Morris

Okay, he’s on USA right now (which was the reason for my wandering eye), with Nick of Time, not one of his better flicks (nor Christopher Walken’s) but oh well…


So off to Wheatsville, for some soy milk and toilet paper. Now, I won’t tell you my total at Wheatsville, because I tend to overspend when I go grocery shopping. I’m one of those people who you probably hate to go grocery shopping with unless you are one in the same and enjoy grocery shopping to the level I do which consists of reading all the labels and standing in the produce section, sniffing the garlic and giggling about five times before actually buying. Then going back and smelling the garlic again, and giggling, and imagining eating the garlic raw, right there, what would happen, who would stare, then you drop some garlic and laugh, and then look around and hope no one is watching you, but then again, everyone else in Wheatsville is half-crazy too so who cares if they are. Then finally buying the baggie of fresh cloves of garlic for only $1.99 and daydream about what you are going to make with fresh garlic all week and imagine yourself reeking of garlic for about a month and envision yourself rubbing some garlic on your wrists and would anyone buy an eau de parfum made of garlic if I invented it. Yes, that’s how I shop. I usually need a good half hour in Wheatsville and about 2+ in HEB. But I’m gonna try to stop that because my time equals about $100/hr. So my thirty-minute stint in Wheatsville still totaled fifty bucks.

I usually get the Silk soy milk, vanilla flavor, but there was a $.50-off coupon for Vitasoy, so I thought I’d give it a try. I got organic original so we’ll see. I also opted for Almond Breeze (almond milk) which was on sale too so I’ll let ya know. I've never tried almond milk before. I usually only use the soy milk for my cereals, which I have three unopened boxes from before I left for some reason. (See earlier statement, about stockpiling for Armageddon every time I’m in HEB.) If there’s a coupon or a sale item, I’ll buy it. Unfortunately. There was a $.50-off coupon for Bisca crackers, so of course I will try. And, hmm…what can I dip on the crackers? Let’s try some of Wheatsville’s baba ganouj. And let’s pick up some cheese. (I would so try to be a vegan except for my undying love of cheeeeese.)

I remember reading this Fit for Life book by Harvey Diamond before, and I was trying to remember one of the recipes or eating guidelines: corn tortillas + avocado. So I buy both. Along with some sprouts and oh yes, spicy mustard was what went with it, yes. Mmm, Reed’s ginger brew. My old roommates J&K used to always drink that. I’ll just take one instead of a four-pack. Okay, so $.50-off coupon for bottled water, I’ll take that. The hibiscus tea was so good this morning (and it’s so hot outside) that I go and find something comparable in the instant iced tea department. Well, raspberry tea, but that’s okay. And cheap. I check out the lemons, but they’re organic and mongoloid huge (is that totally un-pc?) and they scare me with their size and deformities. I guess I like the tiny unnatural lemons better. And then I run into the garlic (see earlier description). I have this strange love affair with garlic: I love garlic, and I don’t know whether or not garlic loves me back. Much like most of the relationships in my life. While in the fresh produce, let’s get some kiwi for dessert and some mushrooms for dinner. Now, what to make for dinner…

I pay $20 cash towards my lifetime membership. Only $25 away from being an investor in Wheatsville, so I better frequent there more often now. Oh good! I see now that my total was really on $30.42. Thank goodness! The additional $20 (which I saw my total as $50) was the extra of my cash payment toward my membership. Look, I’m getting better. Only $30 for 30 minutes. Oh well, wait, I did spend $16.50 earlier at the Farmer’s Market, so we are pushing near $50. But hey! I didn’t go out last night and there’s still money in my wallet from getting paid on Thursday. Let’s see how long it lasts…

Next Saturday July 22 is Member Appreciation Day at Wheatsville, where members save an additional 10% all day. Remind me to hit there again next weekend. With a stopwatch and an exact shopping list. And next time I'll remember my own bag.

Now, I'm off to go swimming at Bull Creek with my sister and five-year-old twin nephews! Happy Saturday!

posted by zenbetty at 3:53 PM


wFriday, July 14, 2006

Margaret Cho is my new hero:


Once a friend was upset about going home.
Me: "Why?"
Her: "Because you can take a cab, but I can't."
Me: "Why not?"
Her: "Because I am really pretty. You are so lucky because nobody bothers you. I could get raped."
Me: "I could get raped too!"
Her: "Marg. Ok, get real now. You would not get raped. They don't go for girls like you."
Me: "Like what?"
Her: "Whatever..."

A DJ asked me, "What if you woke up tomorrow, and you were beautiful? I mean really beautiful. You were 19, blonde, weighed 110 pounds, 5'11" and beautiful. What would you do?"

I am beautiful now.
The DJ says, "You know what I mean."

No. I don't. Just because you are blind, and unable to see my beauty doesn't mean it does not exist. I am so fucking beautiful I have players lined up around the block around the clock waiting for me...

I have to believe that I am beautiful because if I don't I will die.


Read more here

posted by zenbetty at 3:32 PM



so my travel-high wore off already. yeah, that was unforgivably fast. five days. i went out tonight and watched my friends flirt as i realized i'm too old or whatnot for anything to change for me in this town. so i cried all night when i got home. and here it is, 4:30. maybe it was long overdue, but still, i didn't need that. i needed a night out, a night out as good as i was feeling inside. but it didn't happen. the truth happened. and now i see why people move and people need change and people are stifled when they're subjected to the same routine over & over. if only they could see who i am and who i was and see what other people saw, other people, strangers, who don't take me for granted and who don't assume i'm gonna be the same ol' person that i've always been. it's people who don't let you change, don't let you grow. i'm not blaming anybody but myself. but i know, there is more inside of me than any of you here will ever know.

posted by zenbetty at 4:41 AM


wThursday, July 13, 2006

ha! "I'll race you to your vagina!" Good stuff, ScaryBear! good stuff...

posted by zenbetty at 2:37 PM


wTuesday, July 11, 2006

I am back. Did you miss me?

Austin will always be here, right? I can leave again, and come back...or can I? Things change when you leave. When you're not part of that change, then that change happens around you not because of you, it happens without you, and you have no say or influence anymore.

I don't know. I'm already daydreaming about Summer '07. Already planning Italian language classes & French classes. And looking up Greek recipes I want to make now. And and and...

Let's celebrate Bastille Day this Friday July 14. I mean, the Italians won the World Cup (and I will have a Dolce Vita Sunday someday soon...this Sunday perhaps?) but this Friday is the French equivalent to our Independence Day. So let's give the Frogs some credit.

How to Celebrate Bastille Day

It is a day to celebrate freedom for all people and to proclaim, "Liberté, Egalité, Fraternité!"

Celebrate by having an evening picnic of wonderful French cheeses, French bread, French wine, grapes, pâté and your other favorite French gourmet treats.

Bon appetit!

(Cut off short - I have to go work now. But you get the idea. All of my ideas, right?)

posted by zenbetty at 12:14 PM


wWednesday, June 21, 2006

21-Jun Amsterdam
24-Jun Athens
27-Jun Crete
03-Jul Prague
07-Jul Amsterdam

posted by zenbetty at 6:35 AM


wMonday, June 19, 2006

Feel Better about Yourself!


click [portfolio]

click [AGREE]

click [before/after]

under the photos, click & hold down [click to see BEFORE] for each photo~

more examples under [composite/manipulation]

posted by zenbetty at 3:23 PM



posted by zenbetty at 12:47 PM


wThursday, June 15, 2006

posted by zenbetty at 5:00 PM


wMonday, June 12, 2006

it makes me want to vomit. i get nervous. i don't like anticipation.

that's why i don't like dating. it's not a giddy feeling for me. it's an i don't know what's gonna happen, and i'm too much of a control freak to enjoy those feelings.

posted by zenbetty at 1:03 PM


wFriday, June 09, 2006

The World Cup starts today.

Here is the Girl's Guide to the World Cup, just in case you get distracted by the half-naked men or need a refresher course. Or some mouth-to-mouth.

posted by zenbetty at 1:52 PM


wFriday, June 02, 2006

posted by zenbetty at 12:48 PM



It's Friday!!

i am sooo hungover

drank whiskey with the roommate for two hours and watched "so you think you can dance" on fox. awful. awful good fun. mean. sad. funny. yes, it hit all the bases.

then trevor called, he dropped by, had a brief catch-up visit while he dropped me off at dog 'n duck. he's leaving for thailand tomorrow. wow. he just got back. me = totally jealous.

met up with jimmy & biff & leslie & hugh & tierney at dog & duck. we watched the mavericks win. i smoked too many of jimmy's american spirits. drank red stripe because it sounded good. hooray beer!

biff & leslie dropped me off at the hilton. (yes, i feel like a cheap whore.) met up with brent, lee, nate, & others at the hilton bar. drank red bull & vodka. smoked out front & talked to strangers as they pulled up to stay for their holiday. funny stuff. felt like sxsw. good times.

we all walked to casino. ('we' being most of a wedding party of gents.) what a mess. here's where it gets blurry. took a cab home soon after.

woke up. i'm at work. where am i?! who am i?!

shauna & i are going to watch the bikers roll in about 7:30pm tonight. yes, we like manly men. men who ride motorcycles. men who fix things. with their bare hands. join us. it's a roarin' good time. no plans after. da boyz are at a wedding tonight and will probably call/be downtown after. debauchery will ensue.

it's a night. bring it!

i was thinking of having people over tomorrow evening before going-out time. lemme know if you'd be interested in that, and i'll clean up tomorrow morning if so. we can hop on the 1 bus after that or share cabs to downtown. i'll probably end up at 710. pocket fishrmen. hellz yeah.

posted by zenbetty at 12:37 PM


wThursday, June 01, 2006

posted by zenbetty at 2:59 PM



I love watching late-night reruns of the X-Files on TNT & the Sci-Fi Channel.

I want to kiss that Skinner, yes I do.

posted by zenbetty at 2:46 PM


wMonday, May 15, 2006

Diamond Shamrock is now Valero...whatever that means.
And 18.123 gallons of gas is FIFTY BUCKS!!!!

I'm riding my bike again this week fo' sho!! This month of May is Austin Bike! Month and this Friday is Bike to Work Day!

Friday, May 19 - Bike to Work Day Breakfast Stations
Energize your commute to work. Ride your bike to these locations for food and drink on your way to work. Human power rules!
Downtown: Whole Foods Market. 6th and Lamar.
Downtown: Little City Espresso Bar & Cafe. 916 Congress Ave.
Central: Wheatsville Food Coop. 3101 Guadalupe Street.
North: Buck's Bikes. Jollyville one block north of Oak Knoll.
North: Upper Crust Bakery. 4508 Burnet Rd.
North: ACA and Clif Bar. Shoal Creek Blvd. at the Far West Blvd. bridge.
South: Joe's Coffeehouse. South Congress
South: Bicycle Sportshop. 517 S. Lamar.
East: Progress Coffee. 500 San Marcos at E. 5th St.
West: Magnolia Cafe. 2304 Lake Austin Blvd.

Friday, May 19 - Bike to Work Day Happy Hour
Arrange to meet your friends or coworkers at participating locations for bike-to-work-day libations. Let them know you rode your bike to work today.
North: Draught House Pub and Brewery
South: Woody's
East: Cafe Mundi
Downtown: Mother Egan's and Lovejoy's
Happy Hour until 7:00pm

posted by zenbetty at 2:16 PM


wFriday, May 12, 2006

Europe Calling

posted by zenbetty at 11:50 AM


wTuesday, May 09, 2006

"Have a Cold One"

Necrophilia means never having to say you're sorry.

posted by zenbetty at 5:58 PM



Ode to Necrophilia

Yes, I'm going there...


David Cross - Necrophilia
What's so wrong about donating your dead body to necrophiliacs?


Necrophilia on Wikipedia


Over the years, a child's romantic ideals about death blossom into necrophilia, and the most profound relationship of her life.


Seriously, I was joking all day yesterday, saying "it's not illegal." And now, I really can't find anything online stating that necrophilia is illegal in Texas.

That is curious. And sick. But still...

I questioned AskJeeves.com and they said "That query did not comply with their terms of service." Meaning, that question was too warped to answer and they're probably tracking my ISP address right now. Grrrreat~


And now for something completely different...


Ode to Cannibalism

Court sentences German cannibal to life for murder

Meiwes (the cannibal) corresponded with 400 people over the Internet in his search for a willing victim before stumbling upon Bernd-Juergen Brandes, a high-ranking IT manager with German firm Siemens, who agreed to the pact.

In a tale that horrified the country and inspired a feature film, Brandes traveled by train to meet Meiwes, where the cannibal videotaped himself severing Brandes' penis with a knife. Both men tried to eat the severed organ, but without success.

Bleeding profusely, Brandes fell unconscious. With the video recorder still rolling, Meiwes laid him out on a bench, kissing him on the lips before plunging a knife into his throat.


Okay...I'll stop there for today.

posted by zenbetty at 5:35 PM



Making a Buck Off of Fear...Bird Flu Movie Airs Tonight on ABC

Whatever you do, don't watch it. But tonight you can watch the Reunion of the Real Housewives of Orange County. Don't ask me why, but it is okay to watch that one.

Real Housewives on Bravo at 9 CST

posted by zenbetty at 5:23 PM



posted by zenbetty at 3:31 PM


wTuesday, May 02, 2006

New Year, New You

...right? Well, my "new year" starts now. I'm on a different fiscal year than January 1st, because, well I say so! I'm just too damn busy to start a new budget or take on new tasks in the middle of January...I can't even think straight until April.

So...May 1st it is! I now reopen my budget book. (You, too, can own one for under five bucks from any Office Depot store.)

My budgeting concerns this summer:
1) I need to replace my lost/stolen digital camera. New = +$300. Used = $100. Free would be better!
2) I want to replace my stolen iPod. New = +$300. Used = $100. Free would be better!
3) I would like to travel in a couple of months.
4) I would like to start saving some bucks cuz I'm not getting any younger.
5) Oh yeah, everyone except me hates my 1990 cell phone and says I should get a new one with text messaging, etc. We'll see...it sounds expensive.

I hate thieves! Did I mention that already?! Anyway, so this budget book has some tips, and I think they'd work for you, too. Believe you me, I'm not writing down all of them, just the ones I think I might be able to do. ha!

Money Saving Suggestions

-Spend less for certain expenses (cutting down on drinking in bars & eating out in restaurants, never buying cigarettes again, etc.)
-Be on the look out for weekly food specials, and use coupons.
-Use a shopping list and stick to it. Reduce "impulse" buying.
-Compare prices on everything everywhere. (Still, don't skimp when it comes to buying organic versus non. It's worth every penny.)
-Ride your bicycle as much as possible. Save money on gas. (Check out the nation's gas prices.)
-Bring your lunch from home instead of eating out every day.
-Just say No...to your credit card that is. Don't use 'em.
-Make use of your own (or your friends') skills instead of paying for services (such as washing your car, mowing your lawn, fixing your bike, making things instead of buying them, etc.)

Hmmm...That's a GREAT idea. Okay, then, let's see...maybe I can get by with a little help from my friends!

I Have Needs - YOU Can Help!

-Computer Help. My PC is totally kaput. And I have no idea how to fix it, or what to buy, or how to transfer my old stuff to a new hard drive, or where I would even go to ask all these questions. If you are out there and can help me, please do. Please email me: zenbetty@hotmail.com

-Digital Guru. If you have an iPod or a digital camera that you would like to sell to me, please do! Or if you have expert electronic knowledge and can point me in the right direction of my purchases, I would completely appreciate it and will take whatever advice you have.

-Bicycle Help. I have two bikes: 1 cruiser, 1 mountain bike. And I need to ride both much more. Can someone please help me to get both of these (or either one) into tiptop shape? Any advice on Austin bike laws...do I need lights in both the back & front, etc? Anyone who can help me do this (rather than paying full price in a bike shop), I would gladly reciprocate with beer and a home-cooked meal. (Does spaghetti count?) So please, let me know. Mucho Gracias!

-Hair Affair. Any of you ladies (or gentlemen) out there any good with hair? Heck, it's summer. Let's highlight it! Let's do something! Anyone good at cutting bangs at least? Anyone need a guinea pig in your salon chair, count me in.

-Car Shop Advice. I need to take my car in this summer. Please just give me some sage advice or simple words of lingo so that I don't get totally and completely ripped off. I hate that. I hate not being the master of my domain. I think I'm going in for a standard checkup and then they whip out the big fears. I used to work at one. I know.

-Greenhouse Rock. Any green thumbs out there? Jason? Advise me one weekend on how to go about growing my own tomatoes in the backyard? and cilantro? and jalapenos? Or whatever else grows well here with the least amount of maintenance...cuz my thumb is actually a wee tad brown.

-Dinner night. Anyone want to have a potluck every now & then. If ever I do cook, I only cook for one, so I tend to eat the leftovers for 2-3 days afterwards (boring). Else, I end up just throwing away large portions. What a waste. Let's have dinner and a movie.

-Keep Austin Free. Anything FREE FREE FREE in town, let me know. Concerts, lectures, art exhibits, etc! I'm willing to try anything once...for free!

-Beer Me. I'm recently TABC certified again. So if you know of any part-time jobs or any shifts someone needs filled in at the last minute, do let me know. I'm flexible! And willing.

And from my own experience, I know~

-Everyone loves a librarian. I frequent the library a lot. There, you can rent DVDs for free for an entire week. Check out books for free for three weeks. And renew once online to double that loan time.


So do let me know. I'm completely serious. If you have any free time this summer, I need help:

Computers, Cars, Cameras, Bikes, Beers, Books, Dinner & a Movie, etc. Okay, honestly, I could use your help. I have a few months to live & learn, to fit all my new year's resolutions and to-do lists into a concise little list and check them all off.

So...if you're out there. Help me in my crusade to becoming a better person. Thank you.

Please email me: zenbetty@hotmail.com.

zenbetty signing off.

posted by zenbetty at 3:25 PM




The free and open Internet is under seige!! Sign this petition and let your member of Congress know you support preserving Network Neutrality!! Click here to sign.


Snopes take on Network Neutrality

Advocates of maintaining and protecting the current form of network neutrality assert that:

* Surcharges imposed on information providers will ultimately be passed along to end users.

* Charging fees for premium data delivery service will create a tiered system of have and have-not providers, making it difficult or impossible for new businesses, information providers, and other ventures to get a start on the Internet.

* The implementation of a fee system will effectively allow broadband companies, and not users, to determine which sites predominate on the Internet.

Snopes link here

From a group list I'm on:


"Wow, that's amazing that Snopes did that. I've been online with David (the husband in the husband and wife team that do Snopes) on an international list for years. He's a big Republican supporter and loathes anything to do with www.moveon.org. So the fact that he quoted a MoveOn.org email without lambasting it is really surprising. The man does online sneering like nobody's business."

Translation = This MUST be bad. Snopes is in accordance with MoveOn.org

P.S. I LOVE MoveOn.Org - and so should you!

posted by zenbetty at 12:54 PM