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wFriday, December 31, 2004 |
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how weird - i'm learning how to knit this sunday, and...
i tell my mom, after i had called her to thank her for my subscription to Cooking Light which just came in the mail today
and then she calls right back and says turn to p 91, and says i'll take that scarf, after i had just asked her what color scarf she'd like me to knit for her. and sure enough, there's this article on knitting, it's the new pastime, the new form of therapy, great for nail biters and smokers. so don't be surprised if you see me knitting in a bar one night. just something to keep my hands busy.
and then simultaneously now as i'm looking up knitting sites & blogs on the web and perusing the knitting article in my new magazine, guess who the hell is knitting?! hot lips on M*A*S*H. right now. now let me tell you, i watched many a episode of M*A*S*H this past six months (seeing how it comes on three times every morning) and i have never seen ms. hot lips do a single domestic thing on this show before. coincidences? connections? they're all over the place, you just have to keep your eyes open.
i bought this book once, The Tipping Point, which i haven't finished reading ever (of course) but it talks about such relations, more of the cause & effect of how ideas spread, in the world. (i think i'm a "connector" - so much so, i even want to conduct experiments to see the results. will you be my guinea pig?) i bought that book because a gentleman (i think in first class) was reading that book. i always try to see what other people on planes are reading. for some reason, i think readers on planes have great taste in books. like these world travelers know something i don't. i also see what people check out from the library. it intrigues me immensely.
speaking of libraries, maybe i'll post that entry tomorrow...
oh, i updated Jybil - the film blog yesterday, so as not to inundate you with my film babble. but if you like to be inundated with film babble, do visit Jybil frequently.
posted by
zenbetty at 12:46 PM
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wWednesday, December 22, 2004 |
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so i'm working back up at xxxx again, but it's only through april. and i don't know what *real* job i'm gonna get after this is over. i don't know why i feel i have to worry about this now already, but i guess that's just my nature. what if i have to actually wake up early & shower every morning?! that's sooo not part of my MO. so wish me luck. but until then, i'm gonna enjoy hanging out here for another season...before i have to grow up, pay off my bills, and start saving up until i die.
gee, how bleak. i've been trying to write more lately though, which is good. i don't know what i want to be when i grow up though, or why i want to write. perhaps i just can't contain all the thoughts in my head and they just have to spurt out on paper and i don't really have a choice, and that this is not a conscious decision of mine, it's just my brain's release so it doesn't explode (or implode).
cheers, then, i'll leave you with that thought: the vision of your brain imploding because there are too many thoughts within sucking it into the internal abyss...
---
o my god. where have i been?! i had absolutely no idea what MO stood for!
MO : mail order, medical officer, Missouri, modus operandi, money order
modus operandi : a method of procedure; especially : a distinct pattern or method of operation that indicates or suggests the work of a single criminal in more than one crime
did i know that? i can't remember. so, for now, it's new to me...
---
i listen to music at work via these headphones:
the odd thing, though, is that they don't fit in my right ear lobe. both sides are identical, the left ear is a comfort & a joy, but the right piece gives me a twinge of pain and just doesn't fit in my lobe past that little hard nubby part of the ear. it's odd, and now i have to ask an outside party to examine my inner ear because i can't see both effectively in the mirror. alas, the woes i worry about at work...
---
i wrote in a letter to myself at the age of 10 that i opened at 28 (in the year 2000) that:
"I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, so be anything you want..."
posted by
zenbetty at 1:08 PM
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wTuesday, December 21, 2004 |
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 Tonight
Tuesday December 21 @ 7pm
Alamo Drafthouse Downtown
FREE for AFS members; $4 for public
Solas (The Lonely Ones)
you should go...read why:
When the insensitive, sadistic patriarch of a rural family is brought to a hospital for a rather long stay, his wife and their estranged daughter live together while seeking ways to understand the decisions each has made in her own life. Approaching middle-age, Maria is so full of anger. Her relationships with men have not been particularly rewarding, not surprising, given the control exercised by her father over "his women." It is really the mother, Rosa, who is a revelation in the course of the film. Quiet, unassuming, capable of taking the worst accusations from her husband and the most pitiless verbal abuse from her daughter, Rosa is transformed by her friendship with an elderly, sweet old man, living in the same apartment building as Maria. Their growing friendship softens the harshness of the other people and presents a beautiful portrait of kindness and growing love between two old people, perhaps one of the most realistic and believable such depictions in cinema.
-review courtesy of the Austin Film Society
posted by
zenbetty at 12:13 PM
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wTuesday, December 14, 2004 |
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Tonight
Tuesday December 14th @ 7pm
Alamo Drafthouse Downtown
FREE for AFS members; $4 for public
Goya in Bordeaux
you should go...read why:
In a film brimming over with color, passionate music, the horror of war, the follies of humanity, tragic decisions, and artistic brilliance, Carlos Saura examines the final days of Spanish artist Francisco Goya, sent to France in political exile with his compassionate mistress and their young daughter. Locked in a prison of deafness since a deadly disease during his mid-40s, the 82-year-old explored the chaotic world of the late 18th and early 19th centuries and the inner world of his imagination in order to paint the canvases which silently herald the advent of modern art. Throughout GOYA IN BORDEAUX, which is purposely filmed in a boldly theatrical manner, we are treated to large images of Goya's striking paintings, etchings, and sketches, while learning of his philosophy of life, death, art, politics, and religion.
-review courtesy of the Austin Film Society
posted by
zenbetty at 11:28 AM
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wTuesday, December 07, 2004 |
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This Week in Film
Lovers of the Arctic Circle
Tuesday Dec 7: Alamo Drafthouse Downtown, 7pm
Free to AFS Members, $4 to public
This is a Tuesday AFS series at the Alamo Dowtown
Besides Almodovar: Other Spanish Directors
December 7 - 21, Tuesdays @ 7:00pm
--
Theremin: An Electronic Odyssey
Wednesday Dec 8: Alamo Drafthouse Downtown, 7pm
$4 to AFS Members, $6 to public
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Flicker Film Festival
Thursday Dec 9: Alamo Drafthouse Downtown, 9:45pm
$5 to public
--
Go ahead. Become a member of the Austin Film Society. It's only an annual fee of $20, you get free and discounted movies, documentaries, and sneak previews, and you're supporting your local film community. Now join already!
And always support your local Alamo Drafthouse. The best damn theater ever. Period.
posted by
zenbetty at 1:04 PM
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wThursday, December 02, 2004 |
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What's new with me? Well the strangest thing about this week is that my
alarm clock is actually going off every morning. I haven't worked since
April, and as odd as that sounds, it's really not that odd.
What I've experienced this week:
At about 3pm, my eyes get really tired after staring at the computer all
day. I'm sure it was always like this, but I don't remember the feeling
this strong. The 'nap' feeling. Man, it is very, very strong. As in I need
one right now.
No seriously. So I bought some
blue sky cola cuz I wanted a little
pick-me-up in the afternoon. But I
believe coke & pepsi are not good for
you at all (because you know I'm so
pure with all my drinking & smoking.
But no, really, I don't do sodas.)
Anyway, so I wanted something a little
more natural, better ingredients. Come
to find out, these stupid blue sky colas
don't have any caffeine at all. Sure they
taste good, and I don't remember if the
point was to have the taste of coke or to
get a little caffeine in the afternoon.
But to hell with it. I did buy three apples.
I heard that eating an apple somehow
wakes you up more than coffee or coke.
Is that true?
We'll find out next week...stay tuned!
Another thing about being in a work environment, I'm gonna gain weight. I had
been eating real healthy these past few months. Not eating out, going to the
grocery store weekly, and eating fresh out of the fridge. But here, someone
brings chocolate chip danishes in the morning. Or there's always something to
snack on. Or someone lures me out to lunch (because I'm easily lured out to
lunch). And I'm drinking coffee, too, and I really don't need caffeine in my
life.
Wish list
Do you have a wish list? Not necessarily written down, but one in your head.
You know, I wish I were taller. I wish I were born in the 60s in San
Francisco. I wish I had a brother. Stuff like that. What do you wish for?
Be careful what you wish for...
I wish I were at home right now, sitting on my bed, with my laptop, watching
bad tv but not really watching it, with all the time in the world and nowhere
to be. My time off really was great, and I don't feel bad for it and I don't
regret it. I'm totally and completely broke right now. My mom asked, "Well,
did you find yourself?" and I did. I was never really lost. I just found
that I like to stay home and I like to cook and I like to browse on the
internet all day long and I like to comment on everything I see & witness
and I like politics and I like watching movies and I like going to the
library and I love miss kitty.
I had all the time in the world. And now, I'm working every day and I have
somewhere to be tonight & tomorrow night and all that time is gone already.
I don't know where it goes. You wake up, you work, then you don't want to
waste those few hours you have every night that you can claim as yours, as
your life. That's what I miss, that feeling of not having to cram an entire
lifetime in those few hours between getting off work and going to sleep for
the next day. And I'm there again already on only day three of work. I didn't
go out for a few weeks there, and now I feel like I must go out. It's a weird
feeling. Like wasted time if I don't live from 7pm to midnight. I could sit
in my bed for two days in a row without showering or talking to anyone or
leaving the house. And it wasn't wasted time, I was doing exactly what I
wanted to be doing, thumbing through library books, half-writing a resume,
researching and linking everything I saw on the television, learning html.
It was fun and interesting and searching and thinking and I want to take a
class now. But I'd feel as if I'd be wasting that one night of the week in a
classroom.
I was an extra in a movie one day, and that was the earliest I had probably
been out of the house in quite some time. And I stayed out (and awake) all
day. I probably have some thyroid problem. They say the thyroid affects your
sleepiness and your temperature. I'm cold all the time. I'm also a
hypochondriac, but in a funny way. I don't mean half the things I say,
sort of. Ya know?
I wish I could get those links to list on my blog, but I'm just not quick
enough to figure out all this html junk. You know, this is a tv/film related
entry, this is an austin entry, etc. I think that would be fun.
I watched Pollyanna on PBS the other night. Now, you may think that sounds
stupid, but it wasn't as bad as it sounds. I really wish the damn girl stayed
crippled though and didn't get better. That's reality. I hate happy endings.
There are no happy endings in life. Everybody dies. The jerk really does get
the girl. The nice guy finishes last. And those who bitch the loudest
actually do get what they want. There are no learned lessons in life. People
are still miserable awful people in real life and no matter how much I
smile at them isn't going to open their hearts. And true love doesn't exist
in the end.
Now, reading that, you may think I'm a pessimist. But I don't think so.
I'm just a realist. And if you want to fluff up your bunny world with cotton
candy, that's your business. But it's gonna bite your ass in the end.
My mom has bunny rabbits in her backyard. But they're adding a new
development right behind our house (in round rock) which has been vacant
for the 22 years she's lived there, and they're gonna kill all those bunny
rabbits and deer and we're gonna cover this entire planet with cement
because all these people won't stop breeding and buying cookie cutter homes
with no individuality while they vote for Bush.
I'm really not in a bad mood. Why do I sound so bitter and jaded? Oh,
because I AM bitter and jaded. I'm listening to Thin Lizzy right now and I
really like it.
Steely Dan sucks.
 The guy on Jeopardy lost finally. Ken.
After 2-1/2 million dollars and so
many months later, an ex-actress
turned real estate agent beat him
with the Final Jeopardy answer of
H&R Block. I probably would have
given up much earlier than Ken. I
really dislike competition of any
sort. I don't know why, just do. I
think all carnivores should have to
kill their own meat. Lenny Kravitz is
such a sellout now...what happened
to him?!
What's new with me? My alarm clock goes off every morning at 8am and that's
really disturbing to me. I didn't use an alarm clock for the last six months
except for about three times. I slept when I was tired, ate when I was
hungry, and barely drove my car. And I loved it. I wasn't bored. I didn't
have cabin fever. I wanted to be a housewife, without the husband or the
kids. I did laundry when my clothes were dirty (instead of now as they're
piling up after only one week of work and no clean jeans to wear). Oh, I cut
bangs! I mean, this may not be a big deal to anyone besides me, but I just
feel weird. I cut about 8 inches off my hair. It used to be down to my ass,
and now it's only halfway down my back and feels short. No one else thinks
it's short, I guess, but me. I look like a girl. And it feels weird. I don't
really like caring what I look like or wearing makeup or "gettin pretty"
for anyone. Cuz that's not what I look like when I wake up and that's not
what I look like when I'm on a beach for two weeks (man, I wish I were on a
beach for two weeks) and it just feels so fake to me. And then people
say something nice, and I just snap back and say, "Yeah, thanks, I bathed
this week." They don't know how to take me. Is she serious? No, I'm never
serious. Don't think about it too much. If you have to ask, you'll never know...
I sound like a spoiled brat. I should be glad that I'm working and employed
and getting a paycheck today. I am grateful. I am grateful that I have the
opportunity to make all these decisions for myself. I am grateful that I am
healthy and I can walk and I have no diseases and I can see and I can hear.
I am pissed off that my father died two years ago and was mad at the doctors
and the cancer and I don't think I ever got sad because I was too angry. I
should take an anger management class. But it would probably just piss me
off. I'm pissed off that Bush won again and that over half this country is
ignorant and closed-minded. And I am pissed off that my one vote did NOT
make a difference.
Whiskey in a Jar is a really good song.
I'm trying to change the template of my stupid blog. I like this blog
layout somewhat, but I want to keep my links, archives, profiles, etc on
one side. But I like the 'comments' and 'recent posts' and dammit, I just
want the best of both worlds. I'm trying to figure out this damn html b.s.
crap and I just get so frustrated it makes me want to cry. I need to take a
class in an actual classroom setting so I'm stuck in there and forced to
learn. I have no self-discipline. Zero discipline. That's my roller derby
name.
Will someone just do it for me? I realize why people pay people to do
things. I wish I had a skill that I could barter tasks & labor for. Is
whining a skill? Drinking? It says I could have links as a list, and that'd
be cool. Wish I could figure this damn thing out.
I love that I'm not miserable. I mean, sure I'm complaining a bit now, but
I hear people bitch & bitch & bitch at work, and damn, they're just so
miserable. I'm like, here's a gun, get it over with. I'm generally happy.
Last night, I was having a blast. I hadn't been out in a few days and I
don't care what people think of me (which is both good and bad) so I was
just being goofy as all get out. But damn, I think I bitch here in writing
just a little bit because nobody really reads this and it's a way to get it
out, but I mean come on, people who just have conversation after
conversation of how awful they are, damn. I can't be around that. You know
the old saying, if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at
all. Perhaps that's why I keep everything in. One day I'll explode I'm sure.
But damn, nobody wants to hear how terrible you are. And what a bitch you
are. And on and on. Zip it already!
Here's an email to a friend yesterday which applies to most of you out
there, forgive me for not keeping in touch this year but I didn't have
anything new to say...
sorry i never got back to you that weekend you were in town but (excuses, excuses, excuses) it was cold & rainy & i had absolutely no money. i still don't. just started back up at work this past monday at xxxx again, the first time working since this past april! and i have no money. gonna put it on my credit card and pay it back after the paychecks start coming in. although i don't make much more than unemployment here.
i stayed in all weekend and didn't do anything. i've been doing that a lot lately, the not doing anything on the weekends thing. i'm not depressed, just staying warm and watching bad tv (free) and got my wireless card up n running on my laptop so been online a lot. i just wasn't up for socializing AT ALL the weekend you were in town. i don't know. i've been up & down. don't know if you know, but my father passed away two years ago during thanksgiving time, nov 23. and the 26th is my mom's birthday. so i feel a little more focused on family these days during the holidays rather than on me partying like it used to be in the good ol' days, but that's good i guess for the most part. also, i have no money to go partying like the good ol' days. i'm sure that will all change next year. i'll have to get back into the routine of a 'regular' job again, come next May, so wish me luck then. but for now, i'm just gonna hang out at xxxx and work here the next few months, which i think is still the right move for me.
sorry i haven't kept in touch much. i haven't kept in touch with anyone much, not that it makes it all right. but more like there was nothing new to say, when people ask, "what's new?" the answer kept being "nothing" and that kept being boring, so i just disconnected myself from everyone till i had something new to say. ya know, not working, not dating anyone, not doing anything of much really, so what kind of conversation is there besides “did you catch oprah today?” i mean, c'mon. well, i'm getting out of bed now daily, which is actually a change. after kerry lost, i really didn't get out of bed for a couple of days. i lost my faith in the american public, in its intelligence. but now i realize i have to move on. austin really is a little oasis in this big red state of texas. dallas wasn't so bad when i visited over thanksgiving. we went to the mall with the nephews and everyone wasn't dressed to the T as i thought they would be, which was nice. to see a little reality there. people were somewhat friendly, too, surprisingly for the day after thanksgiving in a crowded mall. i think i'm getting old and bitter and somewhat jaded as i intermingle with the same types of fellas in this town. what do i want though? you know, do any of us really know? or is it so much easier for us all just to point out exactly what we don't want? what do you want?
i've lost contact with so many people, i just hope that a few of them will let me back into their lives. signing off for now, but seriously, please keep in touch.
--
Slow Blues is a good song too.
I contradict myself. Fuck it. Disregard this post.
Cruising in the Lizzy Mobile. I love this shit!
You may be right. I may be crazy.
But it just might be a lunatic you're looking for.
I had Freebirds for lunch. They should really rename those to
"Free trip to the bathroom immediately, do not pass go, do not
collect $200."
If I were to write a song, here would be one of my lyrics:
I am the same ol' person from the time before.
Nothing much has changed.
That doesn't rhyme at all. That's a stupid song lyric.
I hate the dancing, smiling paper clip at the bottom of Word.
Oh, another thing about being in a work environment, I always walk out of
the bathroom still zipping up my jeans, and then reaching my hand down the
back of my pants to push my underwear out of my crack. I have to remember
that I'm in public again and not just in the privacy of my own home alone.
One good thing about working again, my mom won't ask me what I did all day.
And if she does, the answer isn't "nothing" anymore. This weekend I'm gonna
do "nothing" and love every minute of it.
posted by
zenbetty at 3:43 PM
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wTuesday, November 16, 2004 |
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I don't think it's ever going to stop raining.
Reminds me of the Ray Bradbury short story when the kids lock this one little girl in the closet the only one day the sun comes out, so she misses out on the fresh air and the flowers. Very sad story. Always made me sad...
here it is: All Summer in a Day
man, that story really scarred me. i don't think i read it; i think i saw a short or a twilight zone episode. man, i hated those other kids.
looks here like it was a TV short on pbs. if i did see in 1982, i was only 10, and it did scar me. i remember the ending differed from the short story above, as in all the kids gave the one girl their flowers and all the living things they collected in the sun that hour that they made her miss. it was so sad.
here's a haunting little video by Sigur Ros similar but different where kids play in a post-apocalyptic wasteland in their gas masks beneath a blood-red sky. the music alone makes me want to cry, even without the imagery. can i borrow this cd from someone?
"If we listened to our intellect we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go in business because we'd be cynical: "It's gonna go wrong." Or "She's going to hurt me." Or,"I've had a couple of bad love affairs, so therefore..." Well, that's nonsense. You're going to miss life. You've got to jump off the cliff all the time and build your wings on the way down."
"Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things."
-- Ray Bradbury
"At 7 a.m. all my voices start talking inside my head, and when it reaches a certain pitch I jump out and trap them before they're gone. Or I shower and then the voices talk. You solve problems not by thinking directly of them but allowing them to ferment in their own time."
"And what, you ask, does writing teach us?
First and foremost, it reminds us that we are alive and that it is gift and a privilege, not a right. We must earn life once it has been awarded us. Life asks for rewards back because it has favored us with animation.
So while our art cannot, as we wish it could, save us from wars, privation, envy, greed, old age, or death, it can revitalize us amidst it all."
Zen in the Art of Writing -- Ray Bradbury
Here, read The Veldt as well. Another good Bradbury short story.
Last night, I watched the original Stepford Wives (1975) at the alamo downtown and it too hit the notions of high-tech advancement to the brink of unbearable perfection.
Sound of Thunder - Bradbury
A Good Man is Hard to Find - Flannery O'Connor
Scarlet Ibis - James Hurst
I used to love the Ray Bradbury Theatre and Hitchcock Presents and Twilight Zone and anything creepy and on latenight USA. Where has all the good sci-fi gone? I was an X-Files addict for most of the duration of Duchovny.
i miss cable. and the sci-fi network.
o what a great day to stay indoors, read short stories, and listen to miles davis...
posted by
zenbetty at 5:19 PM
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why gluten-free diet?
gluten : a tenacious elastic protein substance especially of wheat flour that gives cohesiveness to dough
beats me; i can't figure it out
gelatin : glutinous material obtained from animal tissues by boiling
Gelatin, used to make Jell-o and other desserts, is made from the boiled bones, skins, hoofs, and tendons of animals.
Rennet, traditionally used as a coagulating agent in cheese making, is derived from the digestive juices of slaughtered calves.
I spend a couple of hours in the grocery store just reading ingredients. Luckily, I'm unemployed and have this spare time to kill. (KILL) Tricky ingredients overlooked are rennet, gelatin, and worcestershire sauce, which are all dead animals but don't overtly say that.
I spent three hours in the library yesterday reading about cancer preventive diets and recipes to go along with it. Very interesting.
"The carcinogenic process follows essentially this path:
Exposure to carcinogens -> Initiation of tumor -> Tumor promotion -> Progression -> Precancerous cells -> Malignant tumor -> Metastasis
Here are some examples of carcinogens and promoters:Carcinogen
air pollution
chemicals
cigarette smoke
radiation
UV radiation (sun)
viruses
| Promoters
alcohol
cigarette smoke
excess caloric intake
hormones
pollutants (like asbestos) |
-- The Strang Cancer Prevention Center Cookbook
I really need to quit drinking and smoking. damn.
"A 1981 scientific report published that cancer is an avoidable disease (not merely hereditary) and up to 80 percent of cancers can be attributed to environmental factors (the air we breathe, the water we drink, the food we eat, and the lifestyle we choose)."
posted by
zenbetty at 1:38 PM
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seriously folks, i wasn't kidding about my WB infatuation/addiction. it's time for the sunday double feature, one of my favorite times of the week. if anyone wants to lie in bed with me for four hours every sunday watching really bad tv while just 'cruisin' the internet, the position is open.
right now we have Hello Mary Lou: Prom Night II. and then we have Dracula: Dead and Loving It, a Mel Brooks film starring Leslie Nielsen, that i've never seen before, and i'm sure i'm not missing much.
i think my two favorite vampire movies have to be The Hunger, starring hot David Bowie and even hotter Susan Sarandon (can you tell i have a crush on Ms. Sarandon). and Vampire's Kiss, starring my all-time favorite hottie Nicolas Cage. if you've never seen Vampire's Kiss, you should definitely rent it. [spoiler] i haven't seen it in years, but Cage wears fake vampire fangs and basically loses it, i think he even ate a real live cockroach for the movie.
my boyfriend Crispin Glover has postponed his visit til February. i hope i can make it then; i was set on going now.
last night when we got home, we put in Apocalypse Now. i love that movie. unfortunately it was late & i was exhausted so i only caught the first forty minutes or so, and want to re-watch today/soon. there's tons of good factoids here & here about the film.
posted by
zenbetty at 12:40 PM
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i'm weird. well i guess i'm weird. normal people tell me i'm weird. even abnormal people do too. i don't know what that means really. if it means i don't cater to your standards, well that's fine by me. if it means i don't fit your mold, again, that's fine with me.
i've never been a U2 fan. nor do i like that Morissey guy. whiny ass bitch.
i just re-read through my last month or so of posts, and i caught two spelling errors, along with other errors. if any one of you out there *ever* catches a spelling error, PLEASE email me and let me know. i hate spelling errors. hate.
some of these are so sad and wrong, i really can't understand why i love them so much.
bad movie saturday. it's either Spy Hard on the WB or Child's Play on Fox.
dude, i'm totally watching Chucky!
"i'm your friend to the end! hidey-ho."
man, the kid in this movie is awful. the mom is totally overacting too.
"Chucky says Aunt Maggie was a bitch and got what she deserved."
and did you know that Chris Sarandon who plays the detective in this movie was actually Susan Sarandon's husband (hence, where she got her name)
before she ended up with Tim Robbins much later
Susan Sarandon sings a duet with Eddie Vedder which plays over the credits of Cradle Will Rock, a movie which was written & directed by Tim Robbins. i actually haven't seen that movie. perhaps i'll rent it. and thank you to imdb for all my movie trivia and facts.
have i admitted how bad the WB has sucked me in. seriously, i'm watching the mountain and one tree hill. and i'm actually liking them.
wow, those horse jockeys really are little men, aren't they?
i think i'm gonna go eat some froot loops.
why are commercials so damn loud?!
this movie looks pretty good: Enduring Love
non sequitur : a statement that does not follow logically from anything previously said
posted by
zenbetty at 3:18 PM
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happy friday all. happy halloween weekend. i guess i'll go hunt for some sort of costume today. and i have to vote. and i have to go to the bank and mail off some bills. man, i need some money. or i just need to quit spending so much.
i have a lot of blog half-entries that i haven't entered. now they're a week old and almost seem already outdated. i gotta quit saving drafts and just post the durn things immediately. maybe i'll do that this weekend. but i doubt it. i think it's gonna be a halloween marathon bender kind of weekend...which already started last night.
i'm losing all my single girlfriends. they're getting married, moving away, etc. so if you're a single gal out there and like to go out drinking and watching movies and seeing music, drop me a line: zenbetty@hotmail.com. and i guess, if you're a single guy out there who likes to go out drinking and watching movies and seeing music, well, drop me a line as well because all my friends tell me i need to date. although i don't really want to date. see, look, that's the wrong attitude coming out already.
okay, i need to go run a ton of errands today. wish me luck. i haven't driven since monday. i did shower last night, so that's good, right?
posted by
zenbetty at 1:53 PM
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"Naturally, the common people don't want war, neither in Russia, nor England, nor for that matter Germany. That is understood. But after all, it is leaders of the country who determine the policy; and it is always a simple matter to drag people along, whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is tell them they are being attacked and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in every country."
--Hermann Goering at the 1946 Nuremberg Trials
NurembergTrials
posted by
zenbetty at 4:32 PM
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so...what should i say today, except that i absolutely had too much fun this weekend.
today, this lady needs a definite break.
two things that made me laugh today, seeing how i haven't checked email in weeks:
I. "JOKE: To beat the summer heat I shaved my balls. Now it looks like my penis is balding.
If my penis gets a beer belly and razor burn, we'll be twins!" -tv head kev
II.
other than that, it's time i officially settled down and rejoined the workforce again.
it's been a great summer, folks. one i will definitely always remember.
i was in dallas last week babysitting my nephews, and i tell you what,
they are the darned cutest things that i can handle in 3-year-old form.
so anyway, met some new people this weekend, hung out with some old friends,
had some great conversations and introspections, and probably proceeded
to get a little too day drunk a couple of times this labor day weekend.
but hey, i had to take a break from all my labor, right?
yesterday, i walked to the comic book store that's right by my house.
thought of my good ol' pal BigSleep666 that i haven't talked to at all recently.
i haven't even read his blog lately cuz i'm really never online anymore.
but anyway, if you out there have any inkling of a fondness for box office movies such as Spider-Man,
Captain whatever, and especially such great ones as American Splendor and Ghost World,
check out the original graphic novels at your local comic book store Austin Books.
New comic books are usually delivered on Wednesdays, but Labor Day offset this weekly event
until Thursday this week. I hope you can contain your anticipation.
I learned a new word this week:
Main Entry: quaff
Pronunciation: 'kwäf, 'kwaf
Function: verb
Etymology: origin unknown
intransitive senses : to drink deeply
transitive senses : to drink (a beverage) deeply
- quaff noun
- quaff·er noun
Seeing how often i frequent the bars, i ought to have known this little word.
Thank you to Merriam-Webster Online for all my quick definition look-ups.
Does somebody want to write my resume? Anyone? Yes?! Thank you very much.
This is what I think of resumes: HEY! THIS IS ME! I'M GREAT I'M GREAT I'M GREAT. YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE LEARNING ABOUT ME RIGHT NOW?! ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. THESE ARE JUST WORDS ON PAPER. WORDS.
Interviews. Well that's like 'dating' in the working world. And I hate dating. Dating is like interviewing. People pretend they're greater than they are, have no flaws, and that you should want to be with them more than they want to be with you. Same thing..."Why should I hire you?" "Why should I work for you?"
I wish somewhere it would all tally up somehow. You know, like no guesswork. What would life be like without guesswork? You know, you just offer your bloodtype, zodiac sign, and IQ or something, and they just say yes or no. You have a hard salary range and benefit requirements and it's all matched up somewhere in some big computer. Perhaps that's socialism and I should watch what I'm saying, as Big Brother is reading my blog
right this very second. Shit, I'm going down. I did watch some of the Republican National Convention...and then continued to watch how Jon Stewart chopped it down afterwards. Man, if Jon Stewart were a woman, he'd be me. Now, i don't really know what that means. but i don't think it's even supposed to make sense.
I showered today. And washed my hair. It's a big day for Jill.
I correctly knew the difference between a simile and a metaphor,
AND I correctly guessed two trivial pursuit questions.
I got a CD in the mail from my friend Luna today, and it made me very, very happy.
But no, I have not listened to it yet.
I am currently at the library, and my one-hour computer time is almost up. Glad to know there are people in the world out there (you are still all out there, aren't you??) and if anyone has a job for me, it's time.
I'll sell my soul to the devil capitalism for another few more years.
Maybe I should work with kids...and keep their eyes open to the world around them.
posted by
zenbetty at 5:15 PM
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wWednesday, August 25, 2004 |
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last night, i saw the director's cut of Donnie Darko (which i must say is probably one of my favorite films. *spoilers* included further down so don't read post if you're a ninny like me)
well, let me just say that Jake Gylsdlkjslf did a great time impersonating, i mean, acting as Richard Kelly the director, i mean as Donnie Darko, the anti-hero of the film. But yeah, the directors' mannerisms were a spittin' image of Jake as Donnie, i mean Jake's mannerisms as Donnie were a spittin' image of the real-life Richard Kelly.
most films/screenplays i strongly believe are all/mostly autobiographical regardless of what any writer says. basically, you just cannot write about what you do not know about. you can't. i mean, unless you research and learn something, you just can't successfully write about subjects or topics that you are just guessing on.
anyway, i don't have much to say. saw the director's cut, which were subtle changes, some music choices had to be changed, more excerpts of Grandma Death's book were included for further explanation, i guess. but i dunno, i kinda liked the guy (the director), but i knew i would from the movie. he kind of rambled incessantly completely off topic and would forget about what question was even asked that he was trying to answer. reminded me a bit of myself. wandering and somewhat lost, but honestly knowing where i wanted to be. too bad i didn't sit down and write a damn good movie at the age of 23 after running away to california to go to film school. yeah, what a different life that would have been. (i would have been a surfer, too) but we can't live in these alternate realities that would never be. because, because they would never be.
posted by
zenbetty at 6:23 PM
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wSunday, June 13, 2004 |
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so...currently in la fortuna. spent the last two nights in monteverde (santa elena). it was a really great time. going to see arenal volcano tonight, swimming in the hot springs at dusk, hoping to see some lava spew. if not, oh well. it was a nice ride here, through the mountains and then a ferry ride across lake arenal. tomorrow morning, we're off to tamarindo, beach town for our last two days. then unfortunately, we have to spend our last night in san jose in order to make our thursday morning flight. nine days and we tried to do so much. and succeeded. so far, at least. went horseback riding in a tropical forest in manuel antonio. went sky walking through the rain forest (cloud forest) in santa elena and literally we were in the clouds. met plenty of travelers alongside us (sadly, though, i was about a decade older than the majority of college kids getting their final fling of life before the reality sets in of working for the rest of their lives). kids from holland, england, belgium, boston, california, israel, austin, austria, etc.
well, it's hot and i don't want to sit here much longer. i've already forgotten so much i've wanted to write. the half day bus trips really allow me to write stories in my head, about all the other people travelling from who knows where to who knows where next. but of course, i didn't write any of these stories down and they have just as quickly slipped out of my head as fast as they had entered. i actually finished reading an entire book, which i haven't done in quite some time. i want to grow plants. and learn languages. and so much i want to do as soon as i get back and have to find that *job* whatever it may be, will be fine, because in my spare time, MY time, i will do many things and keep growing and learning even if i am stuck in one town, as many are as they grow older in life. i feel i have a lot of apologies due to many people, for bad thoughts, and petty ways. so for now, know that i am sorry, if i have ever been rude or bitchy or anything, because in the long run, it is really only about connections with other people in this world, however long or short, fleeting or permanent, smooth or turbulent. it is all about experiences, and how you leave your mark on this planet. if you were gentle and kind and generous, or if you came in like a locust and destroyed everything in your path until there was nothing left.
i want to write more. and read more. and tend to things better. be more aware, and courteous. and cook, and grow orchids, and research native plants in my area. i want to sky dive and cry and laugh and feel and live. i feel free. and however temporal, i hope i remember this feeling and savor it in each and every day forward. we'll see though. routine has a way of making me bitter and insecure in my decisions. my life decisions. oh why to we have to make any of those at all, much less every day of our lives...
p.s. dorian (my travel mate) hasn't wanted to kill me yet, so that's a good thing as well. still, four days left though, so we'll see. ;-)
signing off for now. know that i love you all. and i mean it. (and no it's not the imperial talking)
[imperial = costa rican beer]
posted by
zenbetty at 2:32 PM
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wMonday, May 24, 2004 |
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Four Posts
I. So I tend to watch Dharma & Greg at 11am on Fox. One, 'cause Fox is my only channel. And two, because 11 is when I'm sort of waking up and Judge Judy earlier is just too awful to turn on. Well, at the end of each D&G episode, this page of text flashes onscreen for only a couple of seconds. I've always been curious as to what they say, and I always say to myself I'm going to look them up online eventually. Well today I finally did. Today's episode (today's re-run actually) was:
CHUCK LORRE PRODUCTIONS, #106
The Buddha taught that the first principle of existence is impermanence.
Absolutely everything in this universe is impermanent.
Impermanence creates uncertainty.
I don't know about you, but I have a very low tolerance for uncertainty.
Uncertainty causes me discomfort.
Discomfort causes me to think stupid things.
Stupid thoughts cause me to take stupid actions.
My stupid actions bring about unfortunate results.
Luckily, the unfortunate results are impermanent.
Is this a great universe or what?
-->read more. or start at the beginning.
i don't know. maybe his constant questioning and incessant rambling reflected a bit of myself in his writing.
II. Andy Kaufman has not returned.
But Snopes sure has gotten fancy.
III. Look, I took a decent picture last weekend, which doesn't happen very often. (i'm the one in the middle, by the way)
IV. THIS WEEK'S QUESTION:
The new movie "The Saddest Music in the World" searches for just that.
What is the saddest book you ever read?
Why?
How old were you when you read it?
The best/saddest answer wins a prize packet.
-->email kevin with your answer.
-----
This is not my question; this is from a weekly newsletter from my ex-coworker Mike's friend Kevin in New York. Mike's such a great guy, and I think he's doing pretty great right now. No surprise then that most of Mike's friends are all great, too. Including me. Ha! Just kidding. Mike used to love seanbaby.com. Looks like it hasn't been updated in awhile. I went to that site today looking for a good picture of Mr. T for my friend Richi, who sent around an email stating that it was Mr. T's birthday last week.
Mr. T ate my balls
This is not Mr. T, but it's the Mr. T Experience. interesting.
-----
I am cleaning out my hotmail account slowly but surely. I will soon post the most highly recommended science fiction books as recommended by fellow austinites (friends of mine). So, if you wanted to expand your summer reading with some sci-fi classics...look forward to this post. Also, I'm a little disappointed that "I, Robot" is starring none other than the Men In Black hotshot Will Smith. I was hoping that they would make this Asimov classic, well, a little classier. Especially seeing how they tried to get the screenplay approved years ago already, unsuccessfully. Well I guess something has to be said about high-budget hollywood dollars. And that word is dang.
The three laws of Robotics:
1) A robot may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2) A robot must obey orders given it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3) A robot must protect its own existence as long as such protection does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Harlan Ellison wrote a screenplay for "I, Robot" nearly 20 years ago, but unfortunately, it isn't being used.
"PLEASE NOTE: The upcoming film starring Will Smith is not based on this screenplay, and from what I have read was not even originally based on Asimov's stories. Instead, changes were made to the new script to add the elements of Asimov's Laws of Robotics and acquire rights to use the title."
Translation: Big budget, special-effects film, with no appreciation for the true and original heart of the story. Just shoot 'em up, Will Smith!
:-(
A masterpiece that almost was
"It's all too easy to see why Hollywood passed on producing Ellison's version of the seminal Isaac Asimov stories. The screenplay is challenging, imaginative, sprawling, cynical, heartfelt and, above all, intelligent. There are no heroes running from expanding fireballs, no spaceships shooting laser beams as they go whoosh in deep space. It tells the story of an abrasive, unattractive heroine who changes the world without ever achieving any form of happiness for herself, and it ends with a troubling and perhaps unanswerable question. It's a screenplay designed to expand the mind, that at the time it was written would have strained the technical and budgetary considerations of any studio. Ellison's introduction to the published version establishes also that the people making the decisions at that time weren't capable of understanding it; the even-more-timid movie moguls of today probably wouldn't give it a look. It has to join the piles of great unproduced screenplays that sit on shelves while stuff like Dude, Where's My Car? shows up at the malls."
I, Robot on screen
"Fans are somewhat nervous about this release: from trailers, it is apparent that police will be fighting hordes of rampaging robots, while Asimov's original motivation for writing the stories is because he despised the technophobia and "Frankenstein turns on its masters"-type stories that centered around robots at the time."
-----
Um, I got a little off track there. Anyway...
If I were to ask a weekly question, would you answer it? And can someone help me figure out how to add that [comments] section...and make it work? I'd be much obliged. I've added links so you can peruse others' private thoughts as well as my own. But kevin's email letter intrigued me, so i re-posted (i hope you don't mind, kevin). And kids, the prize pack is for New York, so don't be greedy. Just do it to write and to delve into your psyche. I wanted to know all the answers that were received. What IS the saddest book you've ever read? I want to know. Please email me your answers, as well. Where were you (your frame of mind) when you read it? I found that different things have me sad at different times throughout my life. When my father first got sick, the movie Magnolia was very difficult to watch. The cancer issue seemed to be in every movie, every TV show, even every commercial. It's all-invasive in our society, sort of like cancer itself.
But actually, the saddest book I think I ever read (well, because I don't read much and I finished this book years ago on a plane - unfortunately, that seems to be the only place I can read, except the international flights had non-stop (BAD) movies that i watched the entire time and never even picked up my book) was Prince of Tides. Okay, now, you may think that it's a crappy story because of the movie, but i've never watched the movie. i have absolutely no desire to see Barbra Streisand and Nick Nolte gettin' it on. The book hit more on how crazy the mom was, and the sister, too, she would see dead angels in her apartment. Perhaps just the mere image of a dead angel is terribly sad and haunting in itself. But they never touched on these issues, from what i heard, in the movie. Yeah i don't really read that much, i just grab already-read-books from my sister & mom's houses. hand-me-downs. the story of my life. One i'm currently reading that has so far stricken me as intriguing is Eden Close, also taken from my mom's leftovers. We'll see if I can finish a book this summer, though.
Another one I'm currently reading is local author (moved to New England) Amanda Ward's Sleep Toward Heaven. Way to go, girl! And hey, Big Racket! Amanda's new web site looks great, too! Anyway, Amanda, once I started reading the book, I couldn't put it down. Seriously. I haven't finished yet, but good reading so far! Thanks for writing it, and awaiting your next one. And congratulations! This is the first book i've purchased in years. I highly recommend each of you run right over to BookPeople and pick up a copy!
-----
This past weekend, I went to San Antonio with my Mom, Sister, Brother-in-Law, and twin 3-year-old nephews. We walked up & down the riverwalk, up & down the riverwalk, spent all day Saturday at SeaWorld, rode a boat up & down the riverwalk, and walked back down the riverwalk. The food was horrible, but the kids were great. I had bought them these a week ago at sanrio in highland mall. The boys had taken their first plane ride from dallas to san antonio this weekend, ridden their first boat. We saw shamu, and dolphins, and sea lions, and roller coasters, and sharks, and jellyfish, and penguins, and an octopus. I don't think I'm necessarily gonna have kids, but being an aunt is kinda cool (especially when they finally warm up to you after a couple of days). I'm gonna go up to Dallas to babysit for two days next week...so wish me luck! And lots of it...
posted by
zenbetty at 12:51 PM
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wFriday, April 30, 2004 |
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miss kitty snoring is one of my favorite sounds in the entire world.
when i'm rich, you'll find me sitting in my house in this:
"For the ultimate indulgence, Jacuzzi's La Scala two-person whirlpool bath, $30,766, encases a 42-inch high-definition plasma TV monitor, a DVD and CD player tucked into the side and surround-sound speakers buried beneath the porcelain, Internet access and video monitoring, both controllable from a floating remote and waterproof wireless keyboard."
yeah, i'd never get out of the tub.
-things i've learned about daytime television:
Days of Our Lives is sooooo stupid!!!
Ellen Degeneres is actually rather funny.
The Olsen Twins prefer being called Mary-Kate and Ashley, and they are 17-year-old multi-millionaires. And their new movie just looks like a complete rip-off of Ferris Bueller's Day Off (but i guess the kids these days aren't aware of that old movie).
And Starting Over is somewhat interesting to watch.
and no i haven't slept yet. i think it's time for breakfast somewhere in the world...
posted by
zenbetty at 9:23 AM
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okay, doing better now. i guess i just had jet lag? hung out with good friends thursday night, just porch sittin' & drinkin' beers with neighbors & friends. yeah it's 6am, still can't sleep, but not in bad mood. i guess one day of not talking to the family helps. i think my roommate downloaded something here that messed up the computer...brad, can you come help me fix it? so, dorian already went to san francisco last week. so i guess our trip is rescheduled for Florida. so yeah, i'm moving to Florida instead. people say i can afford that. so...gonna go check it out. or, else dorian & i, we could vacation in costa rica for a week instead. still trying to decide (financial issues, ya know?). went by the unemployment office today like a high-class winner. they're not too helpful in there, and i last about 10 minutes before i'm ready to storm out. yeah, me & my temper. gotta work on that.
spent all night last night looking for jobs in austin & jobs in santa cruz and places to live. rather interesting. also investigating dual citizenship with my father & mother's roots as italian & german respectively. and i made some progress. very interesting. also found recipe for vegetarian papaya salad. i'm hungry right now, i think. it's 6 in the morning. maybe i'll walk over to bluebonnet. trevor & steph (among many others) are off to coachella today. should be a blast. eeyore's, which was postponed specifically for me, looks like it may rain all day this saturday too however which would be unfortunate because then i think this year wouldn't have an eeyore's birthday party...and that's never a good sign. my horoscope today mentions the street i live on, which is really kind of eerie. miss kitty is doing fine, expect she's got bumplies and it almost seems as if she's walking with a slight limp. which is never good. tonight was a lot of fun for me. i enjoy my friends' company immensely. many went down to emo's, but i just wasn't up for it. wanted to porch sit around picnic tables and conversation rather than going to see live music. maybe i am getting old. but alas, at least i'm still kickin'!
tonight, though, IS friday night. and i would like to go out. with all you kids who i'm having withdrawals from (shauna, dan, tami, jimmy). yeah, let's get our groove on tonight. the rest of you as well!! join us! happy weekend!
signing off...call me!
look what i just missed: Rise in Thailand violence leaves 107 dead
posted by
zenbetty at 6:15 AM
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wThursday, April 29, 2004 |
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it's day one back and i'm already depressed. got in tuesday night and slept most of tuesday night and wednesday night combined. couldn't get out of bed wednesday. it's gray & cold & rainy here, and i wasn't expecting that. day one, talking to my sister, and she's already shot down my california dreamin' ideas. saying i'd be too old & poor to make it there. that especially did not cheer me up cuz i do not want to be in austin right now. it's 3 in the morning and i can't sleep. it's never been a good time to move to california. when i was in high school, i was gonna run away even before i graduated (i can't remember high school much but i don't think things were so good between me & my mom). i used to save up cash in this little red heart-shaped box. i know now that $2000 bucks wouldn't have gotten me far, but then, all i wanted was the beach and to learn how to surf. and to get out of round rock. working at beall's department store in round rock for my senior year, and i knew this was not where i wanted to be. and now, 15 years later, i'm still here and crying at 3am at my computer as i realize that i probably am too old to move to california and start over. i mentioned going to grad school and continuing to learn & grow, and my sister shot down that idea too. saying 35/36 was too old to re-enter the workforce and that school would just be a waste of time and money at my age. is it true? is my family always right? or is there something terribly wrong with them that they've forgotten how to dream? has she become like my father in stating that you're not supposed to like your job, you're just supposed to work? in high school, i picked this little town on the map in California, Oceanside, knew nothing about it, but that was where i was gonna go. practical mom, said i had to go to college first, then upon graduation, that is when i could go be a beach bum. but hence upon graduation, jill you need a job with benefits etc. After three years of selling plastic net, (yes that was my first *real* job out of college), i realized surer than shit that that was NOT what i wanted to do with the rest of my life. so i quit. and temp'd for a year. which was the best work year of my life. personally. not career-wise. i made no money, but worked at the state, typed email/novels/entries all day, which to this day i still consider them worth reading. and would even go lay out during lunch at a neighbor pool. well 26, i then got in trouble with johnny law, so it had to be done that i had to get a real job again to pay off some debt. then, in the past five years, with family and all, it's never been a good time to run away to california. right now, for the first time in five years, it is actually an okay time to run away from my family because they are all doing okay. it is the first time where i wouldn't feel loss or guilt if i left my family. if i don't do it now, i know i will rot away in austin texas. i know i am painting a very dismal picture, but that is how it feels right now at this very moment. perhaps this post-partum depression after travelling is even ten times more intense than post-partum depression of sxsw, but i don't see a future here. i see no growth. i see stagnant, and never-changing. and i see the world passing me by as i sit in a one-bedroom apartment in austin texas and just get older & older while going to work every day. i even want to go to grad school in austin if i have to stay here, but my sister said that was basically a stupid idea to just accumulate more debt. i don't have any debt right now, that's my point. i don't have any job, any commitments, any relationships, any illnesses in the family for the first time in several years, and it's my chance to run. it's my last chance to escape living here for the past 22 years of my life. i get my mother if she becomes ill later in life, so it's my last chance to be me before i have to take care of someone else again. sis said everyone is young & beautiful & rich in california, and i said that's just plain ridiculous. i looked up demographics in santa cruz and the median age is 33. i could move now, meet those people my age, and grow old there. walking the beach every morning and picking up seashells (and trash). sitting on my front porch in my hammock, with no money at all, i don't care. an old woman on the beach is how i see myself, how i've always seen myself, with my graying hair and the sand between my toes. and those silly white blousey loose clothing you see on commercials and movies filmed on the beach. but i've just forgotten and lost sight of everything, sitting here being somewhat responsible. practical.
day one, and i'm already so depressed i can't get out of bed because i see no future here.
maybe i just need the sun to come out tomorrow. and maybe i just need a little more sleep...
posted by
zenbetty at 3:12 AM
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wMonday, April 26, 2004 |
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things i forgot on previous post (read previous post first, if you care)
monday 12:07
more words come shooting into my head as soon as i walk away from the computer yesterday. some of the things i forgot to add were:
whenever you enter stores, restaurants, your own bungalow, you always remove your flipflops & leave at the door. this may be true of most beach towns as well as the muslim religion in general, but for me, this is an interesting custom. dogs are in all the restaurants, sprawled out on the cold tile floor as you step over them to sit down to eat. cats jump on your lap as you're enjoying your lunch. the workers are all barefoot inside as well. the cement of this town/island (Patong/Phuket) adds 20-30 degrees, but everything is listed in celsius so i have no idea what it is. kg, meters, bahts...yeah, i have basically no idea about the details of what i'm doing anywhere, how far away places are, how much things weigh (laundry is only 30-40 baht per kg...it think, which is less than a dollar, but i don't know the kg conversion) so i'm basically walking around clueless, not clueless in a bad way but more of a 'no problem' thai kind of way. i'm already sort of speaking differently, not an accent or anything, but more basic broken english. "no sell in czech?" = "they don't sell that in czech?" i'm either sitting around a table listening to thai conversations i don't understand, then it quickly changes to czech conversations i don't understand (but neither do the thai people, so we shrug and laugh and that basically says it all). oh i learned another thai word. mao = drunk (but i think i've written this already) sounds like 'may mao' = not drunk. jill thai is me mao = me drunk, as i tap myself on the chest to indicate 'me'. using basically sign language, as communicating with kids, animate what you're doing, walking (fingers walking on the table), eating (hand to mouth motion), sleep (closed hands next to head, eyes close). you get the picture. so if i return with these habits still, tell me that i don't need to because you understand english. but i tell you what, you can understand a LOT without the same language. you can see fights & lovers' quarrels on others' faces, you can almost follow an entire joke through the punchline without understanding a single spoken word just following facial expressions and hand gestures alone. it really is quite amazing how alike we all are as a human race. and yet the small things...that is all that separates us from one another. the world is really quite small. so julian, i can see how you picked up mannerisms & accents & lifestyle by being somewhere six months. six months is a long time! jitka now eats with a spoon and shovels the food onto the spoon with the fork. it's rude to still eat as i do with the fork, and i should eat with the spoon as in thai. so i finally tried it last night. no problem. it's rude for me to still do many things that i do, but i'm sure it would take me six months to finally learn many things correctly, right as it's time for me to leave. i don't see how jitka goes from thailand to czech republick. what a cultural difference to witness. oh it's so funny, i'm so naive. i see a european, and think 'there's a european.' whereas jitka comments to gabi, 'oh they just look so russian.' so i started asking with everyone, where are they from? they're swedish, german, dutch, hungarian. i need to learn so much in the world.
deaths. in phi phi while we were there, one person drowned. two people died of heat stroke in phuket on friday. these deaths are mostly the europeans. on the new year here (april 12/13, before i got here) something like 560 died by car/motorbike accident alone. (i don't know what that means, really, deaths that day in all of thailand? but it was what they were talking about in samui.) they have a different attitude about death here. perhaps it's the muslim influence. i don't know. i heard yesterday that there was some muslim-christian violent conflict on the border. that saddens me, deeply. especially 'cause it's supposedly in the name of religion. our elephant driver was christian yesterday, converted by a missionary from california. that was something new i had not encountered until yesterday.
plans change around here often. no true concept of time. no true concept of time. except hot day...and after the sun sets. unless you're working that day, then you know when you open & when you close. but even then, that's not always set in stone. some shops just close if there's no customers or if it's too hot, some shopkeepers are sleeping as you walk in & you don't want to disturb them, and others are watching their television shows & they don't want to be bothered with you instead. some make you feel as if you're invading their territory. and some are very, very friendly.
so basically we're on jill-time around here, which is okay by me. leaving for the beach at noon, really meant 2:30 (and then in reality, we didn't leave till 4pm)
last night again, we sat with momma/poppa from holland, and kop the tattoo artist whom they met five years ago when he tattooed for the first time then. and they return every year. they miss their grandkids this year, so three months was too long for them this year. i asked who the three kids on her arm were, although i already knew. yes momma from holland has her grandchildren tattooed on her left arm. a man from france was sitting there with us as well, with who i assume was his thai girlfriend. we're all leaving in the next couple of days. the off-season has already started. jitka took a picture of the french man's tattoo then poppa from holland pulled up his shirt to show his back & wanted jitka to picture that too. then french man pulled down his pants to show an entire thai village that was tattooed on his thigh, all by kop who i believe has a japanese wife. kwan the taxicab driver, jitka, gabi, & me. i think we did take a picture of our table, somewhat a crown & anchor feel, sitting around a table on a hot texas (thai) night, and just drinking beers and not talking about much. the front porch away from home. kop had a shirt of Cradle of Filth (the back said jesus is a cunt) eek, as we discussed black death rock vs black music vs speed metal as i delivered in my best impersonation of the music that my friend mike listens to, and that's universal. thai death/speed/whatever the f - mwwwhooaaaahhhggrrrr - yes, i can't understand the lyrics, whatever the language is. but yet, people still like the music. anyway, that was one successful conversation. kop & the french guy (never got his name, he looked a bit like harvey keitel & had a shaved head with a sort of rattail/tiny mullet existing in the back which his thai girlfriend braided) they went camping, kop no speak english, french guy no speak thai. yet camping side by side, fishing trip i believe, with a few others, is successful without words.
oh the bathrooms around here are all one room: shower, sink, & toilet. the shower water basically runs down the (somewhat) slanted floor into the corner drain. and i like it. it makes sense. except you have to remember to remove the toilet paper from the room temporarily. one funny thing to me is watching myself shampoo my hair in the sink mirror. i don't know why, it's not the funny, but i guess i never really get to watch myself washing my hair ever. the little things in life keep me amused. especially like some of the advertisements here. some billboards. and i turned on the television last night and watched some commercials, and you can guess how they're going to end although you have no idea what the words being said are. little scenarios/dramas are acted out the same in whatever country you're in.
another funny thing about the thai massage lady was her trying to ask if my bruises hurt and if it was okay for her to press on those areas. had i said no, i wouldn't have gotten much of a massage, well because you see, i have bruises everywhere. yeah i have a tendencey to fall down a lot. bruises on my arm from the bags that are too heavy and pinching on my arm yesterday, bruises on my my knee from the sloppy rock climbing on the wall drunk in the bar in railay beach, bruises on my back & elbows from falling flat backwards off the side of the longtail boat onto the bottom planks of the boat, bruises on my other knee from falling on the same boat ride later (yeah the boat driver did not know how to react to clumsy me). so yeah, facial expressions can convey a lot. and stephanie, you're taking me rockclimbing next moday when i return.
o. swimming with the fish. the beautiful fish. i could never eat another fish again. nor do i want to. snorkeling, i kept swiveling myself around & around, taking in a panoramic view of it all around me, all around me. i could not believe. at one point, i wanted dearly to touch one of the fish, to just touch it like a pet. but then almost simultaneously i realized that i did not have to touch it physically to make this experience true. but that the truest essence of this experience was that they were actually just letting me swim alongside of them, almost welcoming me into their world. i envisioned huge fish nets sweeping in and destroying this natural beauty, and i was glad that i was still able to swim with the fish.
hey, i arrive tuesday 7:33pm if anyone wants to pick me up, that would be awesome. if anyone wants to whisk me away to somewhere at 8pm if i'm still standing too. cheers all, my vacation is almost over. i hope all is well and yes, i did buy some gifts after all and had to buy an entire new bag to bruise my other arm. love you. oh, i need to buy a motorcycle, if anyone can help me with that purchase would be awesome.
p.s. i'm a time traveler on tuesday. going back in time is an interesting concept. i leave tokyo at 6pm tuesday, and after a 10-12 hour flight, i arrive in dallas at 3:30pm in the afternoon. i'm pretty amazing, eh? superman II...watch out!
posted by
zenbetty at 12:39 AM
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